Starting Over / Shourtney

Chapter Twenty-One: Internal Meetings

<Shayne's POV>

Courtney's text came in two and a half minutes after I had sent mine.

I knew this for a fact because I had been staring at my phone waiting not-so-patiently for her reply. It was insane what this girl was doing to me. I was very much aware of it, yet I played right into my feelings for her, not caring if I looked desperate. Well I guess there wasn't really anyone around to see me acting so desperate, me living alone and all. But that was beside the point.

My head had been a constant mess since that night at her apartment, and that had been over two weeks ago. I had leaned in, almost involuntarily. It was like my body was moving on its own accord, inching closer towards her as her face loomed over mine. I just couldn't help myself.

I had been so worried for her as soon as she opened her front door. I didn't really have any indication that there was something wrong until then. Her text asking me to come over had been so casual, I hadn't thought anything of it. But as soon as I saw her face, I felt my stomach drop through my toes. I hated seeing her upset, I always have.

When she broke up with her ex she had been a mess, crying to me, overthinking everything, thinking she had done something wrong, or that there was something wrong with her. Thinking that it was because she was questioning her sexual identity, or worse that she didn't deserve something better than he was. But of course there was nothing wrong with her. Nothing at all. I hated that she felt that way. I hated when she was sad, it physically hurt me. A pain in my chest that only went away when she smiled at me.

I guess I should have known my feelings for her then, huh?

But that night in her apartment, I could have sworn she wanted me too. She leaned in first. She looked down at my lips, I know she did. What did that mean? Did she like me back? Was it just an in-the-moment thing again? Did she only like me when she was upset or drunk?

My heart sunk. I sure hoped not. I didn't really know what I was hoping for. That she would be falling for me too, or that things would be uncomplicated again. I don't know. All I did know was that she had pulled away. She had told me to leave, which meant that even if she did feel the same for me, she was doubting it, or doubting whether she should give into it. We were in the same boat.

I looked back down at my phone, pausing for a moment before replying to her text with a thumbs up. I tossed my phone back on to my couch and leaned back into the cushions, stretching my arms above my head. I was a bit sore from my morning workout, I had used it to vent my frustrations and had pushed myself a little harder than usual. The pain felt good though, it felt like accomplishment, something that was becoming harder and harder to feel as the months went on with no news for how smosh was going to move forward.

I sighed and went to grab my computer to set up the zoom call. Of course, we could just conference on facetime but Courtney, Ian and I liked to use our computers sometimes. It was laughably professional, and it made us smile, which is what's important.

I was sort of excited for this meeting if I was being honest. Damien and I had been talking a lot recently about new sketch ideas and what we could do on our own now that we were running out of pre-filmed content. I was happy to be able to collaborate with him more now. When Smosh was under Defy's rule, Damien's schedule was very much consumed by smosh games, and there wasn't as much crossover between the two halves of smosh as we would have liked.

Now however, there were no rules. No bosses telling us what to do. Which of course meant no money, but also meant that we had way more creative and professional freedom.

My phone pinged again, a message from Ian. He and Courtney were ready to start. I turned on my laptop and opened the application. I punched in the call code and after a moment of buffering, Ian's grinning face appeared on my screen.