Let You Love Me - Seaycee

IV

I opened my eyes with a massive headache. I immediately sat up on the bed, remembering what happened. I looked at my phone to see it was 11:00 pm and Josh was nowhere to be found. I did have 20 messages from him apologizing and freaking out because of what he did.

I got up with a small groan. My nose hurt so bad. I almost thought Josh broke it. I went into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. My hair was ruffled, my nose was bruised, and my eyes were now swollen because of the impact.

I felt myself starting to tear up again, but I immediately stopped myself and got a cloth to clean up the blood on my face.

I couldn't stay here. I couldn't stay in this house knowing what Josh did to me. I could've died from him strangling me.

I started packing up enough clothes to last me for a while and put them in the trunk of my car. Suddenly I was getting a call from Josh as I started driving. The tracker on my phone must've told him I was moving.

I answered the call with a monotone, "Hey."

"Kaycee, baby, I am so sorry. Please don't be mad at me. I can't take it if you're mad at me."

I sighed before saying, "Josh, you punched me! How could you?"

I could hear him crying on the other end, but I didn't care.

"Kaycee, I just got a little mad. It seems like you and Sean have something going on."

"So you punch me? Josh, I need a couple of days to think. Please don't contact me in any way until I'm ready. I will let you know." I said almost like an automated voicemail.

I hung up the phone and turned off my tracker before heading in the direction of Sean's place. I knew he would let me stay with him and until I apologize to Tahani and Bailey, he's really my only friend at the moment.

I began crying as I realized the situation I was in. How was I gonna face Josh again? Were we gonna break up?

"Come in, Kaycee," Sean said before letting me inside.

His place always felt like home. It had a warmness to it that I always felt when I was around him. It was welcoming.

Sean made me something to drink as I sat on his couch.

"I'm so sorry for disturbing you."

"Don't be. You know I'm always here for you." He said from the kitchen.

I didn't want to explain what happened with Josh right now, but I owed it to Sean to at least tell him why I was in his home.

"I know you're wondering why I'm here," I said, breaking the silence.

Sean leaned against the kitchen island and was now facing toward me. He looked really scared, but Sean was the type of guy who wouldn't let the people he cared about know if he was really scared. He liked to be the brave one, so oftentimes he withheld his feelings.

"Kaycee, what happened to your face?" He asked in a frighteningly calm tone.

My head hung low.

He's going to judge you. Gosh, Kaycee, you're so stupid for being with someone like Josh. Sean's gonna hate you after you tell him, you know that right?

"I, um," I was at a loss for words. How do you tell someone your boyfriend punched you in the face? "Josh did it."

"Kaycee—"

I cut Sean off, "Before you say anything, I know I'm stupid. Just please don't judge me for being with him. It's been a hard few months for me."

Sean looked at me before quickly walking over to the couch and sitting next to me.

"Kaycee, I would never judge you like that. If anything Josh is the one who should be judged. I know you don't wanna cause a scene, Kaycee, but you need to let the police know about him. He's dangerous." Sean told me.

I shook my head. There's no way I could face Josh.

"Sean, I can't do that. It would only make things worse and piss him off more."

"He wants you to be scared of him, Kaycee."

"Sean. . ." I looked at him with uncertainty.

"Kaycee, he punched you in the face! He's hurt you before, but this has crossed the line. What else has that asshole done to you, huh?"

I didn't want to answer that question and I could tell by his tone that Sean was getting frustrated with me.

"Huh, Kaycee?! What else has he done?"

I began to cry. "Sean, please don't yell at me." 

Sean froze for a second before putting his hands on my shoulders and looking me in the eyes. He was about to say something, but I guess he decided not to. Before Sean could get up and walk away I held his arm back and buried my face in his chest. I heard Sean sigh out of relief as I held him close.

I'm not sure how much time had passed, but my tears dried on their own. I found myself getting tired as the beat of Sean's heart thumped against my ear in a soothing rhythm.

"Sean, can you sing me that one song I love?" I asked softly.

I felt him chuckle before beginning to sing.

"Here I am, stuck on this couch,
Scrolling through my notes,
Heart was broken, still not growing, nah,"
"Waking up to headlines,
Filled with devastation again,
My heart is broken,
But I keep going,"
"Pain, but I won't let it turn into hate,
No, I won't let it change me,
Never losing sight of the one I keep inside,
Now, I know it
Yeah, I know it,"
"You can't take my youth away,
This soul of mine will never break,
As long as I wake up today,
You can't take my youth away,"

I fell farther and farther into a deep sleep as Sean's voice faded into the distance. Home. That's what this was to me.

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