Taming of the Dude: One man's Journey with Jesus

Chapter 4 Happy New Years

Chapter 4 Happy New Years

"There is no right or wrong, only thinking makes it so." – MG Highbarger

I think the most valuable lesson a parent can teach a child is to filter one's thoughts. I think most fights, miscommunications, and bitterness are the result of no filter. It is like the little boy who walks up to the lady and says your fat. It might be cute at 2, but by 8, a child should know better. Our house had no filter. We did not think about the power of words. In fact, the dinner table was a battleground of insults, put-downs and absolute ugliness. The goal was to make someone cry, and whoever cried first, lost. You were not allowed to make any mistakes. If you did, then your mistake would be magnified by 1000 percent. You would be humbled, or at least mocked mercilessly. My sister and I were good at it, and my brother, well, not so good at it. Remember how I told you that he was more of a peacemaker, and a bit too nice, to the point of gullible? It was unfortunate for him, but he took a lot of abuse. He would be mocked for being too nice, or too polite, or too helpful. Everything that a child would be praised for in another family, in our family that was a sign of weakness. Now, I am not saying that I did not take a few hits, mostly from my sister. Nothing really from my brother. He tried, but he just was not good at it. My sister, on the other hand, was excellent at publicly humiliating someone. Of course, she took second, because I personally believe I was the best at it. Some of her best jabs were 'Breshnev' or 'unibrow'(because I had bushy eyebrows), and Jabba Da Hutt, which came as a response to the success of the Star Wars series. By the age of 8, I weighed over 200 pounds, so I had to live with that one. I could not shed the pounds, this picking on each other was our way of coping with the other brutal realities of our life. In a sick way, it brought us, kids, closer together. Unfortunately, it tended to upset those around us. It took my wife a very long time, well, who am I kidding, my wife never got used to it. It was to my advantage to go to family events on my own. It got harder when we had kids and my mom wanted to meet them.

When I was in High School, my filter kind of acted as a buffer between me and others. I had friends because I had a way to connect with others through humor. It also worked against me too. I remember one Christmas a group of friends rented ice time at a local arena. Hockey is pretty big in Canada, so ice time is hard to get. If you wanted to play, you often had to wait until midnight. This evening, my brother was home from University, and a lot of other friends were back, so we had a lot of people coming out to play. I am not sure why, but I loaned someone my helmet, which is kind of crazy since I skated on my ankles and not so much on the blades. I was there mostly for the fun, and possible food that we would get after the game. I do not remember everything that happened that evening, but I do remember waking up in the emergency room. I could hear myself saying that I did not want any paki doctor working on me. (the doctor I had must have been of Pakistani descent or Indian) I believe I said it over and over again. It was obvious to everyone in the room that I had severe head trauma. It seemed obvious to everyone except my brother and myself. We both knew that I meant, once again no filter. The doctor, believing I was not serious but only concussed, continue to administer medical treatment. I think I blacked out again. I was kept in the hospital a couple of days while they ran tests and watched me for any possible brain swelling. I didn't realize how bad it was, until the doctor released me, and told my family that I needed to be kept awake. They suggested that every half-hour someone should check on me, and if I was sleeping, wake me up.

I was thinking, 'okay, we will go home and have some family time and everyone will take care of me.' Unfortunately for me, it was New Year's Eve, and the Veteran's club was having a party. The booze they served was cheap and a hard thing for my family to resist. Mind you, the family did bring me home. They set me up on the couch with a blanket, some snacks, and a drink. They turned on the television, and then they left. It was the "Ten Commandments" all over again. I was not sure if I was going to live or die, but I definitely knew that I did not want to be alone. Our dog was there, but could he keep me awake? Could the dog know if I was going to sleep and know that I needed to be awakened? I just could not trust my future to our pet dog. I needed a family. I did that which one in our family never did, I cried for help. I got up from the couch, quickly put on my shoes and ran down the street calling to my family. I begged them to come home and celebrate New Years with me. I told them that I really did not feel safe and that I was scared. The family seemed confused but they did come back with me. I cannot say whether they were mad at me because I was sooo needy but I really don't care. I needed family or at least I needed others in the house beside the dog, just in case I fell asleep and did not wake up. Happy New Years!!