Mess Upon Your Innocence (One Direction)

Chapter 26. Tired

BRONTE'S POV

"Thankyou for dinner, it was absolutely delicious!"

"No problem Harry sweetie."

My mum was being so overly nice to Harry It was making me feel sick. I had introduced him to almost everyone and there was yet to be a person he could not charm. I was still building up my strength before I let him meet my grandparents (sometimes they could be a bit intense). Thankfully they had decided to visit some of their old friends and a spur of the moment decision led to dinner, saying my ass from having to explain my "friendship" with Harry to them.

"You know I what I might head on up to bed."

"Quickly you better go, we wouldn't want cranky Bronte Boo throwing a tired tantrum!"

"Yes Carter, I am tired. Do you know why? Because I spent all day running around buying food and organising decorations for your baby shower. And tomorrow I get to hang all the decorations myself. So yes I think I will go to bed."

I picked up my plate, taking it into the kitchen to be cleaned up. As I reached the bottom of the stairs I could hear Harry thank everyone for dinner again and play the excuse of wanting a shower, in order to be excused.

"Bronte wait up," he was jogging to meet me at the bottom of the stairs, hair bouncing accordingly.

"Yeah I'll give you a towel and show you where everything is when we get upstairs."

"No, I mean thankyou, but I really just wanted to offer my services tomorrow." I didn't respond to him mainly because I had no idea of what of "services" he was talking about.

Sensing my confusion, he shook his head, "I'll help you hang up all the decorations."

"Thanks but you don't have to, really."

"I know, I want to." By this time we had made it to my bedroom door and I was saved from having to blurt out another failed rejection by simply indicating where the towels where kept.

Harry went in closing the door and it wasn't before long I heard the shower turn on. I sat down on the futon, it wasn't uncomfortable, in fact the opposite. What was making me uncomfortable was the fact that Harry was in my room, in my shower, and about to sleep in my bed; without so much of an explanation as to why he would choose to spend his mid tour break in fucking Framlingham.

When I looked back at the shower door, it had swung open slightly and through the steam pouring from the faucet, I could see Harry reflected in the mirror.

Steamy. Naked. Harry.

My eyes stayed focused on his body taking in every soaking inch. The way his muscles moved as he shampooed his hair, as he let the water gush over his face closing his eyes intently. No!

I need to get out of here right now. Or something very bad might happen.

I knew exactly where I needed to go to get away.

Growing up in a small town sometimes you could really feel suffocated. By the people around you, the expectations, and the way that your business was everyone's business. Living in my household made that ten times harder.

When I was about 5 years old my mother had my younger brother Hunter, forcing us to upsize from our house about two blocks from our current residence. The very first day we set foot in this house it was my mission to learn every inch of it.

I very quickly discovered the downstairs study window could be easily opened and crawled through. As and added bonus I had found my spot. Secluded from the rest of the house, and surrounded by the beautiful flowers of the garden. When I was there, no one could see or find me. I decided that it was in everyone's best interest to go and have a breather for a while.

A mental time out.

No one ever came into the study anymore and it was basically just used as a storage room for furniture after each of us moved out. Hunter would be off to university next year (hopefully), and I'm not sure what my parents would fill it with then.

I sat downstairs hiding from Harry and all the uncomfortable conversations we were definitely going to be having over the course of his stay. By the time I plucked up enough courage to go back upstairs it was 11:30 and my phone had 1% battery left.

The rest of the house was in bed no doubt with the alarms set for 5:30, a wake up I was not looking forward to. One thing I had found with waking up early, it makes the day seem unbearably long and I would avoid it at all costs. I was hoping that Harry had taken the hint I didn't want to talk and had gone to bed. In your bed!

I peaked my head around the corner of the door and I couldn't see him anywhere. That's a good sign! I ran in quickly grabbing my pajamas and towel eyes locked on the bathroom.

The shower was quick but efficient. Mostly because I wanted to be in bed "asleep" before Harry reappeared. I dried my hair and made my way back to my makeshift bed, grabbing my book and began rereading it for what felt like the millionth time.

"What are you reading?" When I looked up there was a shirtless Harry standing directly over me.

"The Great Gatsby."

"You like it?" He was now reaching his naked torso over my head and inches from my face in an attempt to plug his phone into the socket to charge?

"Love it."

"Why?" He sat down on my bed rearranging the pillows to suit him.

"I think it's incredibly tragic that a man who has only ever wanted the love of one woman, who was willing to work himself to the bone and do whatever it takes to get her; is not ever able to fill his whole life ambition. Because although he loved her and was driven by his love, her materialism and shallow character took everything from him and his life and meaning to her was replaced by wealth."

He nodded his head clearly mulling over my response.

"But I've read enough for tonight, I think I'll go to sleep."

"Okay." I reached over clicking the light off and moving until I was comfortable. I was not tired, and being in the same room as Harry had put me so on edge that I don't think it's possible for sleep to ever come.

There had only been silence for a couple of minutes before, "Bronte."

"Yeah Harry,"

"I want to talk."

"About what?" I knew that it would do no one any good if I didn't agree to Harry's wants. He was extremely persistent.

"Us."

"There is no us"

"As much as you'd like to deny it, what we have is, well, unique."

"No feelings, just experience right." I tried to remove the bitterness from my tone, but I couldn't help myself.

"Right."

"Well while I have managed to avoid any feelings towards you, I can't so easily turn off the gnawing sensation of guilt I feel every time I think about Josh and what I've done to him." Both of us were whispering as to not attract any unwanted attention to the room.

"But you left the tour two days early and, please don't take offense at this, but in a right state." How dare he say I was in a state, I had every right!

"Well I don't appreciate being called a slut, accused of being unfaithful without good reasons, and have someone blame me as the only party to partake in the sexual activities we've been enjoying."

"I know Niall may have said some harsh things, but he just gets super protective of his friends, and he really doesn't deal well with confrontation." There was a couple of moments silence before I knew that I needed to say something or Harry would continue asking questions I didn't want to answer.

"Harry I'm not angry at you, and I most definitely overreacted with you, but I need you to understand that things can't ever go back to the way they were when we first started. Can you do that?"

"Of course Bronte. Goodnight."

He rolled back into my bed, shuffling until he was comfortable. God I wish I was in that bed, not only because I had missed sleeping in my own bed for three months, but also because the thought of warm, comfortable Harry sleeping beside me was stirring something deep inside.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wasn't sure how long I had been lying here but I could feel it was the dead of night. The entire house was asleep and the moonlight was streaming through the gaps in my wooden blinds and throwing shadows onto everything in the room.

I sat up and began looking around the room just taking everything in. It had been so long since I had been in this room and god I had missed it.

"Bronte?"

"Yes Harry?"

"Oh you are still up"

"Yeah," I sunk back down into the futon as to avoid having to look Harry directly in the eyes. I had honestly believed that our conversation, or should I more accurately say interrogation, had ended for the night.

"What are you thinking about right now?"

"I was just thinking about how long it has been since I've been in this room."

"Did you miss it?"

"My room?"

"Well yes, but also your home. Your family?"

"Of course I did, but there are also a lot of things I didn't miss. Just like right now with the tour."

He was silent. "Now I feel bad."

"Why? Harry?" He didn't respond but instead got up and walked over to the futon.

"Get up, you can sleep in your own bed, I'm the guest here and it's your room."

"No. It's fine I'm comfortable now. Harry you don't-"

He didn't even let me finish my sentence before hoisting me up from my position on the futon and forcibly moving me to the bed. He slowly put me down and there was a moment that I thought we has going to hop in with me.

I could feel the hesitation in his body, I kind of wanted him to hesitate longer. But eventually he pulled away and went to lay on the futon.

"The alarm is set for 6am, goodnight Bronte. For real this time."

"Goodnight Harry." I was glad to be back in my bed. It was something familiar and comforting. Reminding me of all the innocent times in my life, before all the drama and heartache a guilt. Sometimes it felt like the suffering was too much to handle. I couldn't confide in Josh anymore.

That's when I Realised the relationship was definitely over. I still couldn't sleep. The pillows and sheets were still full of Harry's warmth. That coupled with the smell of his fresh clean scent was enough to bring a tear to my eye.

I knew that I was going to wake up even more tired than when I went to sleep. Partly because I was so anxious having Harry under the same roof as myself and my family; and partly because I was back to trying to avoid him.

I had done a terrible job of that the day before, and my lack of assertiveness is to blame for him sleeping 2ft from me right this second. But the night was becoming almost been therapeutic for me.

Seeing Harry completely unaffected by being in the same room as me, had opened my eyes. This boy felt nothing. He felt nothing but the urge to fuck and forget. I had never dealt with anything like this, I mean Josh and I had been waiting for that "special" moment. Harry had tried more than once to capture my attention last night. But somehow, on God's good grace I had found the strength within to lay there still as a corpse and let his efforts wash over me.

Eventually Harry went to sleep. I had heard his breath coming slower and slower eventually falling into a familiar rhythm. That's when I couldn't hold it in anymore. Almost completely overcome with emotion I stumbled out of bed once again seeking refuge in a room that wasn't consumed by Harry. I stood in the doorway for a moment just looking. He had no shirt on and the moonlight from the open window made him glow. Like a god.

When I had entered the hall I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the hallway mirror. My eyes were red and the tears were now flowing freely down my face. There was nowhere else in the house for me to retreat to. Every room was filled with someone I loved.

And so, for the second time in 24hrs, I headed to the study to cry in peace. To be completely honest, I wasn't even sure why I was crying. Or who I was crying for.

Was I crying because I had hurt Josh, even though he didn't know it yet? Was I crying for myself because I knew that this was not even the beginning of my pain? In fact, was I even crying because I was in pain? Or was I crying because I was in love?

Can someone be in love without even knowing?

How did I even know I was in love? Had I been in love with Josh before all of this began?

Harry had not made me happy. Can you even be in love with someone who doesn't make you happy? He had made me more confused in the 3months that I had known him, than my entire life before meeting him.

Even knowing that he was bad for me, that nothing was going to result from the relationship and that I was now so far gone it was going to be along recovery regardless of the result; I wanted more. I wanted to wrap myself around him and have it reciprocated. I wanted to be comfortable in my position and know that he is for me and only me. The thought of never being able to have that comfort scared me. I was beginning to feel emotions I had never experienced before in my short life.

I had let Harry use me from the day that we met. The water was rising around me and he was stealing every last breathe of air. I was drowning.

I gasped out loud and the noise startled me out of my thoughts. I was aware of how loudly I had been crying and I reached for the nearest throw rug to dry my eyes. Bronte you seriously need to get a grip on yourself here. It's time to make a decision about what you're going to do. You need an end game.

I grabbed my throw and stood up to head back upstairs. I knew what I needed to do. Now it was just a matter of finding the right time to do it.