Splendor//Bill Denbrough

O n e

"I'm sorry, why can't I go, again?"

"B-b-because, Carn. It's nuh-not s-s-safe and I can't lose y-you or be ruh-responsible for p-p-p-putting you in danger."

Carnation's face softens in concern. "Bill, your stutter is getting worse, love."

"I f-f-fucking know!" Bill snaps, causing her to flinch. Sighing, he sits down and wraps his arms around her. "I'm s-s-sorry. I'm j-just such-scared and took it out on yo-ou."

"I understand that. I just don't understand why I can't come."

"I don't u-underst-st-stand, either. I re-remember a... p-promise of some sort. And It."

"It?"

"Y-yeah."

"But... what? Just It? That's all?"

"I d-d-don't know what it is. I juh-just know It exists."

"Bill, you're not making any sense," she says.

"Nothing in my bruh-brain is making sense. Why can't I-I-I-I re-remember anything?"

"I don't know. That must be so scary... What about the promise? Do you remember anything about that?"

"It w-w-was to r-return."

Bill sighs in frustration, and stands back up. Rummaging around the room for clothes, he starts muttering inaudible words... his few, hazy memories from Derry.

"Please let me come with you," Carn begs.

"I n-need you to take cuh-cuh-care of the b-boys, okay?"

She looks down at her feet, bouncing her knee. "At least let me help you pack."

Her whisper breaks Bill's heart. Gently, he takes her trembling hand and gives it a kiss. "Of c-c-course, Carn."

She smiles very slightly and slides onto the floor, folding the ball of clothes atop his suitcase.

"Did you buy your plane ticket yet?"

Bill nods. "Luh-leaving at six."

"Tonight? That's really soon."

"Too s-s-soon. So I nuh-nuh-need to f-finish packing quickly."

When they zip up the suitcase, Bill gives Carn a lingering, amorous kiss, making her blush.

"I love you," they whisper in unison, giggling. Tucking her now shoulder length hair behind her ears, he brushes her forehead with his lips.

"How long will you be gone?"

"How-however long it t-t-takes."

She cups his face, a pleading look in her eyes. "You're going to come back, aren't you?"

"I'll d-d-do m-my best Carn, but-"

"No. You're coming home."

"Okay, I swear," he chuckles.

Bill is the strongest person Carnation has ever known. He made it through hell and back once, though he doesn't remember it. So there's no doubt in her mind when she says, "See you soon."

It is bold of her, really bold, to assume that they'll be finished with whatever It is soon. Maybe it'll be a day or two, but it sounds like something that'll take weeks, perhaps even months.

"Bye, C-Carnation. Don't d-do anything st-st-stupid while I-I'm guh-gone," he teases, in true Bill fashion.

"I should really be telling you that," Carn smirks.

"Mhm."

They embrace one last time, and Bill says goodbye to the boys, claiming he's going to visit some old friends- technically not a lie.

Dinner is uncanny without Bill's presence. Carn is unusually quiet, and Jeremy is quick to notice.

"What's wrong, mom?"

Glancing up, she continues swirling her vegetables around her mashed potatoes. "What are you talking about?"

"You are not talking."

"Nothing's wrong, baby. I'm just a little stressed," she shrugs, plopping some more shepherd's pie on his plate. "Please eat a little bit more. The doctor's are worried about you not getting enough nutrition."

"I'm full," Jeremy whines, causing Carn to bury her head in her arms. Atticus, deep down a sweetheart, turns off his phone for a second.

"Hey, Jer? I'm going out for ice cream tomorrow with my friends. You know, the place with the mechanical bull? I know you always wanted to do that, but you probably need to be a certain weight to go on."

Jeremy's face lights up. "Mechanical bull?"

"Yeah!"

Carn peeks her head out of her arms to see him wolfing down his meal and mouths a thank you to Atticus.

Later that night, she prays a Rosary for Bill and tries to watch Downton Abbey, but she can't focus. Her entire adult life has revolved around him. carn is codependent, and she knows it, but her heart is attached to Bill's by a thick string. She realizes that she can't and won't let Bill go back to that nightmare- not without her, anyway.

The next second she's making phone calls left and right and throwing the first clothes she sees into her own suitcase. She kisses her boys goodbye, telling them she loves them more than anything in the galaxy and that they're sister will be picking them up in an hour to stay with her for a few days. She takes a taxi to JFK and buys a first class ticket (economy is full) to Bangor, not too far from Derry.

"Holy shit! Aren't you Bill Denbrough's wife?" The lady at the ticket counter's eyes widen when she reads the name on her license.

"Um... yes," she says, turning pink. This awkward experience happens about once a month. Good thing she's not Bill, who's recognized every day, just about.

"Could I get a selfie with you?"

Not really, ma'am, I'm kinda in a huge hurry!

"Surrrrrre," Carn smiles . The lady whips out her phone, leans over the table, and snaps the selfie.

"Oh boy, thanks a million!"

"No problem, have a great day!" Carn gives her hand a shake before sprinting to security.

After she finally boards the plane, the stewardess, coincidentally named Claire, hands her a hot towel. It makes Carn homesick for her angels, her miracle baby and her sweet twins.

"Could I offer you a complimentary beverage, ma'am?" Claire number two snaps her out of her reverie.

"Cabernet, please. And when one glass is empty, please get me another as soon as possible. The whole flight."