The Greek Gods...and you as well.

hey, you guys.

Hey, it's Maria here. I just wanted to talk. I haven't been updating for months and you guys should know why, because I'm writing this for you. A lot of things happened over this summer and a lot of them weren't good. If you struggle mentally and have stuff get triggered by certain things, I'd advise against reading this.

Someone I knew committed suicide. - I barely knew them, but before I could I could show them that they are loved they put a rope around their neck. It was awful and gave me so much anxiety. Please, if you feel like you are going to end your life, step down and think. Think about what you did that day; what you ate. Remember the last poem you read and the dreams in your head. Think about coffee-flavored jellybeans, love, people, grape soda, birch trees, the statue of liberty, Minecraft, your friends, your family, musicals, palm readers, dollar bills, Pewdiepie, the color orange, the country of turkey, your hair, your hands, soup, and everything else you've seen. Are those things going to stay with you when you are gone? Do you want them to stay? 

My depression got really bad - I can't go a day now without feeling at least one bad way. I got asked the other day what brought me joy, and I couldn't answer. I didn't know. I feel rather cold on warm days, wanting to hide from the pain I've seen. It's so hard to live with all the thoughts I have, but I know they'll go away. I've stayed in bed for an entire day before, just trying to dream up a perfect life.  It's not easy.

I developed an eating disorder - It started with me gaining weight after my depression. I gained 20 pounds, and I've always been chubby, so at that point, I weighed 150 pounds. I started restricting myself immensely with my calories, and my goals got smaller and smaller. 1,000 to 800, 800 to 600, and 600 to 400. I lost the weight I gained, and then some more, and I now weigh about 100 pounds. I lost 50 pounds due to metabolism and starving. I know its awful, but its so hard to stop. 

My boyfriend broke up with me - he called me a whore after I came out as pansexual. I had been loyal to him since day one, and he pulled the rug out. He also body shamed me and taunted me on my depression afterward, which sucked major balls. Look, if a guy is sketch, you should have dropped him at the START. no girl should have to go through anything like did. Be wise and wary.

I'm going to try and start updating again, but college is so weird and crazy. I need time to refocus myself, but I will try to get new stuff out! stay safe out there, lovelies.