Can't Run From You

Chapter 37

Eli POV

I couldn't take it. I was just so angry with everyone, everything, myself. Today made all these feelings come back. All the things that happened with Dakota. All the things I did, things she did, how bad of a person I was. I've worked so hard to get away from the person I used to be, because she was a terrible person who hurt everyone. I'll never forget the day that Dakota told me that when I feel shitty I want to make everyone around me feel just as shitty. Hearing her say that has been going through my head all day. After the gym incident Clark sent me to ISS, but in 7thperiod she pulled me out and told me to get ready for track. I hated her. I hated myself. I hated today. When we got to the track she told me to stand there next to her and not move. I stared at the ground and didn't look away. After Clarks little speech about me being a trouble maker she led me to the start line. I really wished that Thea would have just gone to the bleachers but of course she didn't.

As I ran sprint after sprint I just felt my anger growing. Not at Clark, not at Thea, not at the sprints but at myself. I deserved this. Every painful run, every time my ankle would twist just a little, every breathe I couldn't catch, I deserved it all. After the last 200 I felt my stomach start cramping and I walked over to the gate and hurled my lungs out. I deserved this. Thea walked over to me and said

"Eli that's enough." I didn't say anything, I couldn't. I started walking back to Clark. I was going to finish this, but Thea pushed my shoulders and said

"Eli. That is enough. Stop." The pleading in her voice hurt me, and it hurt to think I made her sound like that. Before I could say anything, Clark walked up and said

"Thea go sit in the bleachers." I watched as she walked away then I looked back at Clark.

"What is wrong with you?" I glared at her.

"Not gonna talk?" She asked. "Fine I'll talk."

"That girl right there has been trying to get me to make you stop. I gave you two outs so that you would quit acting like a little brat. You think I don't know my runners?" I looked at the ground.

"You think I don't know when they're mad at each other. When they're failing a class. When they're dating?" I looked up at her.

"Thea didn't have to tell me for me to know. I pay attention to my girls. I know you have an attitude. I know you have a mouth on you. But I also know that you respect people. If you didn't you would have broken you're hand on Lila instead of your car." I looked down at my cast. I could feel my chest tightening.

"Look at me." She said. I looked up trying to hold my composure.

"Who are you so mad at? Because I know it's not Thea, and it's not me." I cut her off

"Oh yeah how do you know that."

"Because I'm not an idiot. You're mad at yourself. I don't know what you did or why you are so angry but punishing yourself like this, pushing your body to the absolute limit because you can't get out of your head is not the answer." By now I was crying.

"Being angry and taking it out on other people isn't the answer either. That girl over there cares about you. Why else would she be standing there the entire time watching you torture yourself, begging me to make you stop." More tears.

"Eli look at me." I looked up again. Clarks face softened a little bit when she saw the tears in my eyes.

"You need to get yourself together." I wanted to laugh at the irony. I thought I had gotten myself together, but this one day, this one stupid anniversary made me feel like I never left Oklahoma. Never left Dakota. I looked up at Clark and said

"I don't want to be who I was."

"Then don't be. It's your choice." I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked back up at Clark. She put her hand on my head and said

"Now get out of here and get some water." I nodded my head and started walking off.

"Oh, and Eli," Clark said, "You're going to be okay." I just limped towards the front gates.

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Thea's POV

Eli was still talking with Clark when I heard the school bell ring. All the girls got up and started leaving. I sat and watched them leave; Lila looked like she wanted to come say something to me but I guess she decided against it because she just kept walking. When Eli and Clark were done with their little chat I saw Eli limping towards the gate. I ran down to her and wrapped my arm around her waist to help her stay off of her ankle. We didn't speak. I picked up our stuff and walked us to her car. As we hobbled I could feel Eli's body shaking a bit because she was so tired, at least that's what I thought. When I actually looked down at her I realized she was crying. When we got to the jeep I pulled Eli's keys out of her car and opened the door. I helped her get in the driver's seat and then walked around to the passenger's seat. I got in and sat there staring at the parking lot.

"I'm sorry." Eli said.

"It's oka..." I started until she cut me off.

"No, it's not."

"Yeah, it's not. Eli, I don't understand what got into you, I don't understand any of this."

"I know, I'm sorry." I saw a tear run down her face again.

"Eli what happened?"

"Dakota and I had a lot of problems. And there's so much you don't know, and today it just it made everything come back. It made me feel all those feelings I hated. Not feelings for her, but the pain and regret of everything I did. I was such a terrible person. I hurt everyone that cared about me and everyone that only wanted to help me. Dakota told me that once that when I feel shitty I want to make everyone around me feel just as shitty as I do. I just, I don't want to be that person anymore. It just it scared me to think that I might hurt you."

I looked at Eli and it hurt to know that Dakota had messed her up that much. To make her feel like she was only capable of hurting others.

"Eli, you aren't that person anymore. Yes, I know that I didn't know you back then but I know the person you are now. I know you care about people and that you do whatever you can to make sure your friends, especially me are taken care of. You don't have to deal with everything on your own. You've helped me so much with everything I've been going through. Let me be there for you." I grabbed Eli's hand and she just looked at me, and nodded her head. Her hazel eyes finally stopped crying.

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Eli and I sat in her car for two hours and she told me everything that happened with Dakota. Basically, it started off with Dakota playing with Eli's feelings. That's how their relationship started off. Dakota wasn't out so she would secretly mess around with Eli and then go to parties and fuck around with guys. When Dakota came out and Eli and her were official, Dakota would still go out to parties and get drunk and pick fights with Eli. Eli was hurting so much that she would take it out on their friends because she couldn't take it out on Dakota. She was so in love with her that she couldn't bring herself to hurt her. After the first time they broke up Eli was heartbroken. Dakota was off messing around with girls and guys at parties and Eli would have to hear about it at school. This went on for a while after they got back together and after Eli started getting fed up with it she ended up cheating on Dakota with this other girl. Dakota made her feel like absolute shit about it. She told Eli that they were done and how could Eli do that and all this shit even though she had been cheating on Eli first. There was so much more but Eli was already getting upset talking about it so I didn't make her finish everything else.

After Eli and I got back to my house and had eaten and iced basically all of her body she started to feel a little bit better. She fell asleep on my bed and I couldn't help but stare at her. To me she is perfect, and I can't imagine her ever hurting me. I hated that Dakota did that to her. I pulled the blankets over her body and let her sleep. I really do love her. So much more than anyone else.