Stealing Stars

We Go Together Or We Don't Go Down At All

After he says this, he moves his hand, ever so slightly to where only our thumbs were touching. It sends a tingle up my elbow...
No. Not again.

The last time I let someone in, all I got was hurt. I scoot farther away from Jakob. He tenses and glances at me for a few moments. I can't help myself. So I glance at him, seeing a look of hurt in his eyes that he is desperately trying to mask.
Great, now I've gone and hurt somebody else to...

This is why people hate to be around me.

Finally, we get to school, and almost on que Jakob carefully removes the earbud he was using and sets it in my lap, standing without a word. And I almost want to say something to him, to apologize, maybe ask him to say.

But I, being the dumb fuck I am, stay silent.

He just pities you...
Why would someone like him even think about looking at you?
He probably had no room from your fatass taking up the entire seat.

There they were again.

We're back.

The voices.

Pressing my hands against my ears, I run down the stairs of the bus. People probably think I'm crazy, but I don't care. I already know I am. I want to get away from theses people, away from their judging looks and laughing mouths. But to my dismay, I have to stop. My malnourished body can take me no further. So I nearly crawl behind the school, and by the time I get there, I'm shaking, sweating. I'm having a full blown anxiety attack.

Collapsing, I give up and curl into the fetal position. Letting the voices take over

Who would love you anyway?

Lose some weight, whale.

Just get it over with already.

I hear a blood curdling, eardrum breaking sound.

I am confused, until I realize that I'm screaming.

I want my blade

You need your blade.

I need my blade.

You need it.

I almost calm down, realizing I have an escape, until I realize I forgot it on my bed.

So I sob.

I sob until I feel like a raisin, until I have no more tears left to cry.

And I'm calm.

I sit up, wiping my eyes.

I'm okay now. Everything's okay. I look around gazing at the now empty courtyard. I'm not surprised that no one came to help, I'm pretty sure everyone is used to my psycotic episodes by now.

But this time someone does come.

Someone comes to comfort me.

I look over and smile.

"Thank you," I say.

But then I realize who it is.

And my smile drops.

Another wave has turned its back on me. Crashed back on the eyes of the first I see. I can't count on anything. For you I'd count the salt under the sea.