The Doctor Is In

Mad Love

   I sit down in a small chair in a dark, empty room, pen and clipboard in hand. A blonde woman is wheeled in on an upright platform, strapped in a straitjacket. Two handlers set the platform down, leaving her strapped upright, before leaving the room and closing the door,

“So...you’re Dr. K, right?” she asks, her chirpy, pip-squeaked voice asking.

I nod, “Yes, that would be me. And I assume you’re Ms. Harleen Quinzel-”

“I’ll say it once, I’ll say it again, call me Harley, everyone does.” she states in a uniform, rehearsed manner.

I’ll take up on her offer, giving off a more friendly vibe by calling her by her preferred name, “Alright Harley, let’s start our first session with some backgrou-”

“Can it Trix, that’s not why I’m here to talk.”

I practically jump, dropping my pen and letting it fall to the ground, bouncing off of the tile floor. So she does know. I cross my legs, and narrow my eyes, staring at her intently, “Okay then, what do you want to talk about?”

“Why, about you and Cobblepot, what else?”

I sigh, “Ozzy and I are done. We both agreed to close that door-”

“Really Trix? Is that really it? You’re just gonna let it end...just like that?” she asks, tears welling up in her eyes, “I...I was honestly rootin for the two of you.”

I pick up my pen, and begin jotting notes down on my clipboard, “Harley, my romantic affairs are none of your business-”

“Hey, I’m just trying to help you here.” she defends.

“I’m here to help you, Harley.”

She rolls her eyes, “How could you? How could you help me when you can’t even see a good thing if it kidnaps you and then treats you like a queen.” she sighs, “If Mister J were ever to do that to me...boy would I repay him…”

“But he wouldn’t...would he?” I bring up.

“That’s what I’m saying. You had a good thing going on with Cobblepot. And if I can fall for an absolute lunnie who treats me like dirt, you must feel something for him after all he’s done for you, right? I mean, you kept his mother’s ring, and I know you’re not going to throw out that old picture he gave you-”

I squint, “Harley...how do you know all this? Did Ozzy put you up to this?”

She shrugs to the extent that the straitjacket will let her, “He came to me after your first breakup. Guess he figured we had something in common, and the poor sap had no one else to turn to, and those two sluts he started keeping around were no help. So yeah, I consoled him, and we’ve kept in touch ever since, even offered him some pity sex once or twice, but he declined.” she smiles warmly, “Now that’s devotion, and you’re not even that much of a looker-”

“Your point?”

She clears her throat, “All I’m saying is, reexamine your choices. I know you’ve got this stuck up sense of justice, but it’s killing you from the inside, can’t you see? You’re miserable.”

I’d never really thought about that. Am I happy, doing what I do? My immediate answer would be yes, but closer examination would say otherwise. No, I’m letting a patient get under my skin, this session should be about her, but it’s becoming clear this isn’t really a session at all.

“Harley...are you happy with your choices?” I ask her.

She nods, “No regrets, whatsoever. That’s because I follow my heart, and my heart tells me Mister J is the one for me. Sure there are the occasional bumps in the road...okay, maybe more than a couple, but that’s the chance you take when you’re dating a nutso, am I right?”