Love Me Anyways

Chapter Eight

 I wake up in Raya's bed, images from last night flood my brain. I look around for Raya, she's sleeping next to me. I wrap my arms around her, she saved me from my brother. It startles me when her hand touches mine.

I swiftly pull my arm back to myself, Raya rolls over to face me. Her eyes are red and tears rolling down her face, was she crying? "Ray, are you okay?" I whisper, I wipe a tear from her face. Raya says nothing at all, she just brings me into a hug.

"I'm so sorry Jayla, I'm sorry you had to go through that," Raya whimpers. I allow tears to form in my eyes. "He's the main reason I don't go home, all my siblings and I have to share a room, we only have two beds," I stammer. "I had to share with him, I would volunteer to share with him so that my sisters didn't have to go through it. He would touch me.... Every single night."

Raya pulled away from the hug, her sad eyes looked into mine. "Never again will that bastard ever touch you," Raya snaps. She has a dark look in her eyes, it's almost like fog covering a lake, it's invisible but at the same time it's there. It's a look that I'm not a stranger to. I've had that look since I was nine years old. The look of fear, trauma, pain, depression, anger, and a thousand other emotions.

"Thank you for everything, you saved me," I speak softly. "I'm never leaving you alone again, I love you too much for something to happen to you," Raya states. I'm surprised, but not upset, that Raya just told me she loves me. "Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say the second part out loud," Raya apologizes, she's lying and blushing.

I smile at Raya and brush a stray piece of hair from her face. "I think I love you too," I kiss her. Fire spreads through me, I feel amazing when I kiss Raya, I wonder if she feels the same things I feel.

Raya holds me, I rest my head in the crook of her neck. "Want something to eat?" Raya quietly asks. I shake my head, "I'm not hungry, but I'll go with you if you want something to eat." I'm usually a big eater, but after last night I have no appetite.

Raya pulls me out of bed with her and we head into the kitchen. I sit down at the island while Raya makes herself cereal. She sits down, our knees touch sending sparks through my body.

I can't pull my eyes off of her, even with a bed head she looks amazing. I love everything about Raya, and I want to learn more about her. I want to know how she knocked my brother out.

Raya pulls me out of my trance, "What's on your mind Jay?" Raya asks. "Nothing," I respond, Raya knows I'm lying. She puts her hand on my knee, it sends chills through my body. "You know that you can talk to me," Raya states.

I look into her stunning green eyes, she looks concerned. "Why did you learn how to fight?" I instantly regret asking, I hope it didn't upset Raya. "You don't have to tell me, it was a stupid question," I speak.

Raya takes my hand as she takes a deep breath. I look at Raya, she's refusing eye contact. "Before I moved here I was best friends with a guy my entire life, his name was Fred. We were bound together by the hip, but that changed two years ago," Raya began, her thumb rubbing the back of my hand the entire time.

Raya takes a shaky breath and continues. "At first Fred would just wrap his hand around my waist, it made me uncomfortable because he knew I was a lesbian. The next thing he did was talk, he'd say things like 'you don't have to be gay, I can help you.' He would talk about wanting me, but then he actually-" Raya is stopped by her tears.

I pull Raya into a hug, it's nice to know some of it. I don't need to know it all right now. I wish that hadn't happened to her. "I wish I could've been there, I wish I could change what had happened to you," I comfort. This just makes Raya cry harder, I don't know if I'm helping or not.

"You couldn't have been there if you wanted to because I wouldn't have let you, but I can be here with you. I can help you and your sisters get through this," Raya states. How can she be so selfless, even when she's remembering her worst memories.

I allow tears to fall from my eyes at her sentence. Raya and I hold each other. Raya makes me feel safe, I know it's not because she's five inches taller than me. I feel safe around her for a reason I can't explain.

"I'll beat this Fred guy up if I ever see him around you again," I claim. Raya lets out a small laugh, I love it when she laughs. I can't help but give out a small giggle.

I look up into Raya's eyes, her eyes are the most beautiful eyes in the world. "You would be way too short to beat him up," Raya teases. "Hey! People say I'm too short to be a forward in rugby, and here I am playing the starting hooker position," I tease back. Raya's a hooker too, but I'm the starter from the actual season.

"Yeah, and you're my hooker," Raya smirks. "And you're mine," I shot back. I wonder who will be the starting hooker this spring, I don't really care though. If Raya starts I will be happy for her, and if I start I'm sure Raya will be happy for me. It won't matter who starts though because we're both good at the position.

"You know Luca's song?" Raya looks at me. I nod my head in response. "That was a last minute change, I was going to sing 'Love Me Anyway' by Pink and featuring Chris Stapleton. "That's actually my favorite song," I smile. "I know, Taytum told me," Raya gives me a playful smirk.

"I love that song too," Raya hugs me. "What's your favorite song?" I ask. Raya blushes, "Same as yours." I can't help but smile, it's really cute when she blushes.

I doubt it's her favorite song for the same reason. "Why's it your favorite?" I blurt. "I like the beat, why is it yours?"

Shit, I wish I hadn't started the conversation, I guess I have to show her now.

I slowly lift my shirt just to just below my breasts, revealing the burns I had put on my body. Then I show her the ones on my knuckles and arms, she never really thought much of them until right now.

"I'm sick in my head, I hurt myself," I quietly confess. I have a headache from wanting to cry. Taytum knows about this, but I rarely will talk to her about it no matter how much she begs.

"You're not sick in the head, you just haven't had time to focus on the pain you're feeling," Raya pulls me into a hug, it makes me let a small gasp out.

"I'll love you anyway," Raya speaks while holding me. She's seen my scars, but she loves me despite what I've put on myself. "I love you," I whisper. I'm not used to saying those three words, and definitely not used to hearing them.

I pulled away from the hug, only because I absolutely feel the need to tell her the full truth. What I was going to do after rugby, before I met her.

"Raya I'm going to tell you something.... But you can't freak out or tell anybody."