Love Me Anyways

Chapter Fourteen

Everything around me seems to dissipate, and I’m put back to about a year and a half ago.

I’m sneaking out of the house, we just had a massive fight. It’s okay that my family had just been fighting, because I get to see my boyfriend, Lister.

I’m just getting to the old park in town, I called an uber to take me. I walk up to my group, Taytum is here too. they already have the weed going around. I don’t really want any, but I also want to impress Lister and my other friends.

They offer me the weed and I take it, I lose complete track of time, and eventually I blank out. I lose control of my actions, thoughts, I lost control of myself as a whole.

Eventually I come to, I’m still in the old park. Dawn is just arriving, and I’m not alone. Lister and some other guys that I don’t recognize are around me, they’re getting dressed. I quickly realized that I was completely nude, I put the pieces together, I was raped.

I’m shook out of my trance when Raya places her hand on my thigh, she causes me to jump. I can feel her eyes along with Christas, burning into my skull. I can’t do this right now, I don’t want to answer questions, I need to get out of here. 

I stand up without saying a word and walk to the restroom, locking the door behind me. I collapse onto the ground, tears flying down my face. My hands rapidly shake, it feels like I can’t breathe or even focus on anything around me; just the memories of my past. 

Flashback from after that night, when my self harming began, and I changed into a different person. Part of me misses who I used to be, before I snuck out. The other part of me is glad that I’ve changed, because I’m stronger than before. 

Right now I just wish these memories would recede from my mind, I want to be okay for once. My thoughts are interrupted when someone softly knocks on the door.

“Jayla it’s me, please let me in,” Rayas soothing voice fills my ears. I don’t want her to see me like this, but I need her to know that I love and trust her. Without much thought, I open the door and let Raya in; she shuts the door behind her. Rayas warm arms pull me into a hug, I instantly explode into tears.

She rubs circles on my back soothing me, no questions asked. I bury my head in the crook of her neck, Raya continues to calm me. My rapid breathing slows, my head stops spinning and searching through memories. I focus on Raya, and the way she’s rubbing circles on my back.

“Thank you,” I stammer into her neck. There’s so much more I want to say to her right now, so much I want to explain and tell her. I want to thank her for sticking by my side, even after learning about some of my worst moments. I want to thank her for making me feel safe, and for loving me. I want to tell her what happened the night I snuck out, and why I’ll never do anything like that again, why I refuse to drink or do drugs. But I can’t say anything, except a single ‘thank you’.

“I’ll always be here for you Jayla, I love you no matter what has happened, and what may happen in the future,” Raya softly states. I pull my head away from her neck, her eyes look soft, but still concerned. I already know that Raya wants to know what’s going through my head, but I think she also knows that I’m not ready to talk right now.

Raya wipes the tears from my cheeks, her hands burn into my skin. I take a deep breath as I try to keep myself from crying again, I just want one good day.

I plaster a smile on my face, I can’t let my emotions ruin the day. I take Rayas hands from my face and hold them to my chest, warmth spreading through me. 

“Lets’ go eat, Chris and Nasser are probably waiting,” I squeeze her hands. Raya gives me a soft smile and nods her head, I lead her out of the restroom and back to our table.

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After we ate, we drove around Treytown for a little while, but we decided to just go back to Rayas house. Everyone was acting all weird around me after the whole thing at the restaurant, and I’m honestly glad that we’re back at Rayas. Also Nasser went home, or I guess we dropped him off at his house.

Raya and I are just cuddling in her bed, she’s playing with my hair. The feeling of her hands massaging my head and messing with my hair is truly calming for me. 

I look into her pale green eyes, they seem soft, understanding, silent. I love Raya in every way possible, even if that might seem impossible to some to love like this. “I love you Ray,” I whisper. Raya brushes a few stray hairs from my face. “I love you too Jay,” Raya smiles, I love the way her smile is a little crooked on the left side.

I lay a kiss on Raya’s forehead, and then one on her cheek, I start to kiss her neck before I’m stopped. Raya puts her hands on the sides, forcing me to look her in the eyes. She seems unsure about this right now, and I don’t blame her.

“I’m okay for a few minutes,” I reassured her. Raya smirks at me as she rolls on top of me, her soft lips crash into mine. There’s nothing in the world that feels as amazing as kissing her, it’s like, well, I can’t even describe this feeling. 

It feels like nothing bad or scary could ever happen, like I’m on top of the world. It feels safe, happy, a little unsure, it feels as if we are meant to be.

Our lips move in complete sync, her hands slowly move down my body. Before Raya gets too carried away, I grab her hand to stop her; I’m not ready. Raya looks into my deep brown eyes, I stare back.

If I’m good at one thing, it’s getting lost in her stunning green eyes, I can’t get over her beauty.