Love Me Anyways

Chapter Twelve

It's currently a Friday afternoon, we've spent the last few days doing absolutely nothing while Raya is on bed rest. Tony has made me stay in bed with her, he thinks that I should rest also. He said something like, "You had to put up with that type of thing every time you went home, you should stay in bed."

I didn't argue with him because Raya told me that it would be pointless and her dad is more stubborn than I am. I'm just getting so bored on bed rest, I need to use my energy. It was okay at first because we would watch a bunch of movies, but we've watched almost every movie on her shelf already, what's going to happen when we finish them?

Raya's shifting in the bed pulls me out of my thoughts and back into reality, I look over at the beautiful girl. Her pale green eyes meet my brown ones. The bruises on Rayas face are beginning to fade, her natural skin tone is returning.

"Hi," Raya's voice is tired, probably from doing nothing. "Hi babe," I kiss her forehead. Raya pulls my kiss down to her lips, this makes it all worth it. She makes it worth laying around.

Our lips move in perfect sync with each other, Raya has the softest lips I've ever felt. I nibble on Raya's bottom lip. She lets out a soft moan, "Jay." Raya moves her kiss down to my neck, she rolls over on top of me. Her weight feels good on my body, I like the pressure.

My head tilts backwards as she continues kissing my neck leaving a mark. I let out a small moan that I've been suppressing in my throat; still battling bad thoughts from my past.

I move Raya backup to my lips before I get freaked out, I don't want to ruin this right now. Raya bites my bottom lip allowing me to free a moan from my lungs. I'm running short of breath at the moment, and it's getting harder than ever to keep my past from taking over.

My only issue right now is Raya seems like she's enjoying this, I don't want to crash our party by having to stop.

We continue making out before she bites down on my lip harder than before, I let out a gasp and move her off of my body. My breathing quickens, my chest hurts worse than ever before, the room is starting to look bigger and different.

It looks like my room at home, I look over and see my ex boyfriend Lister, ganging up on me with my brother Gorden. My older sister Britt passed out on the cold wooden floor and my baby sister hiding in the corner watching.

The boys are wearing nothing except boxers, I'm screaming, telling Christa to close her eyes tightly as Gorden holds me down on the bed.

"Jayla.... Jayla you're scaring me!... What's wrong? Please talk to me," Rayas soft voice pulls me back into the present. I realise that I've been screaming, tears flooding down my face, I'm also violently shaking my body. I still can't breathe well, I can't seem to catch my breath.

"Jayla?" Raya gently puts her hand on my shoulder, out of pure terror I jerk away. "F- flash b- back," I manage to stutter. Raya studies my face for a moment, I refuse to make eye contact. "Would it help if I held you?" Raya asks. I quickly nod in response, I think it'd help some. Raya instantly pulls my body into hers, I tense up but I force myself to relax against her.

I melt as I break down into tears, I haven't had an episode like that in a really long time. I hate that I had one with Raya, I hate that she has to see me like this, I never really let anyone see me like this. Not even Taytum has really seen this side of me, she knows about the episodes but has never seen one.

"I promise I'll never hurt you like they did Jayla," Raya reassures me. I focus on her voice along with her heartbeat, my two favourite sounds in the entire world. "Can you talk to me?" I whisper, my voice quiet from crying.

"One time my dad surprised me when he came back from serving some time with the military, I was in the fifth grade. My class was doing a Christmas play, Rudolph I think. I had just gotten on the stage, and I saw my dad dressed as a reindeer. I ran and jumped up into his arms, that was one of the best days ever when I was little. He only really came back because my mom had gotten sick-" Raya's voice began to break.

I had no idea about her mom, I've never really questioned where she was. We sit in silence for a moment, I decide to speak. "I'm sorry Raya," I whisper. Raya runs her hands through my hair, she's still holding me. "It's okay, she was kinda a bitch to my dad. My mom cheated on him twice by the time I was eight, but dad kept taking her back," Raya stammers.

Even though I know she's just trying to make it easier on herself, I can tell by Raya's tone of voice, that she misses her mother. I miss my parents, or who they used to be when I was little. "That doesn't make it any easier on you, and I know it's not okay and so do you," I quietly state. Raya takes a shaky breath, "I know."

I adjust into a more comfortable position against Raya; I play with her hair because I think it'll help her to calm down. Her hair is a little greasy from staying in bed, but it doesn't bother me.

Raya plants a small kiss on my forehead, it still gives me butterflies. I look slightly up into her pale green eyes, they seem sad. I really want to make her feel happier, but I don't know how.

I kiss her neck, just to see what she does. At first Raya tenses up a little bit, but I continue kissing her neck. Raya starts letting out little giggles, she's so fucking cute.

Raya continues to chuckle every now and then. I stop to catch my breath, her light green eyes meet my gaze. She doesn't have to say a word for me to know what she's thinking, Raya seems happier than before I gave her a hickey. I'm glad that I'm able to cheer her up like that, I hate it when she's sad because it makes me upset.

"I love you," Raya blushes. I allow a smirk to form on my face, "I love you more than you could ever imagine." This causes Raya to blush even more than before, she looks way too cute when she blushes.