Love Me Anyways

Chapter Nine

 "What do you have to tell me," Raya frowns at the expression on my face. I take a deep breath, it's shaky. I reach out and lead Raya to the couch, I can't have her falling off the bar stool at the island. I hold Raya's hand the entire time, not looking directly at her at all.

"Before I met you, I was in a really dark place. I'm still in the shadows, but slowly it's getting better.... I had been planning to commit suicide for awhile, but the day I met you everything changed. I was going to walk out onto the highway overpass, and I was going to jump-" I take a really shaky breath My free hands is rapidly vibrating and the other hand is squeezing Raya's hand.

"But after the practice you stayed with me, I was waiting for you to leave but you didn't. And when Lister was there, you protected me. Nobody has ever done that for me... You made sure I had somewhere to stay for the night, you gave me a flashlight in my dark mind. You are the very reason I'm still breathing, you're the reason I didn't, k-kill m- my- self," I start stuttering, as tears stream down my face.

When I was talking, it felt as if I wasn't there, like I vanished and went back in the dark. I wasn't alone in the dark, because Raya was with me this time. Raya protected me from my mind.

I'm snapped back to reality by warm arms wrapping around my waist. I bury my head in Raya's body, my tears turn into a river. I believe Raya is crying with me, I rub her back hoping to calm her down.

"Promise you won't leave me," Raya whispers. Without hesitation I respond, "I'll never leave you, I promise."

Raya looks up with her watery eyes, and she kisses me. It's more of an upset kiss to tell me it's okay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's around two in the afternoon, we spent all day talking about random things and watching movies.

"I'm going to make some more popcorn," Raya smiles. She gets up and I follow her. She puts the popcorn in the microwave, she turns around. Our faces are inches apart, I feel the tension growing between us.

Raya closes the space between us, she puts her hands on my waist and kisses me. I prolong the kiss as my arms wrap around her neck. Raya's lips are sweet, just like her scent.

I'm pulled in closer to Raya as she lifts me up, my legs wrapped around her as she sets me on the counter. The softness of her lips against mine sends fire through my body. To my surprise I'm completely relaxed, there's nothing bad in my mind right now.

Raya slides her hands under my shirt, it makes me nervous so I tense up a little bit. Raya doesn't move her hands further than my belly button. I can tell that she wants to go further with me, and I want to go there to, just not yet.

I bring Raya closer to me as we make out, if it's even possible for us to be closer. Raya bites down on my lip, I moan a little in response. I play with her hair in an attempt to control myself as the kissing intensifies.

Ding ding ding, The popcorn is done. Raya and I pull our faces away from each other, our hands and bodies stay where they are. Raya and I get lost in each other's eyes, I could do this forever.

"Popcorn's done," Raya comments. "Yeah," I let out a soft laugh. Raya's face turns serious her next question takes me by surprise.

"Did I go too far?" Raya worries, I guess she noticed that I tensed up. I shake my head, "It was out of my comfort zone, but I liked it," I assured her. Raya blushes, I love that she made sure I was okay. It'll take a while for me to be able to go further with her, and I think she understands that. Now that I think about it, I wonder if any of this makes her nervous.