I call mrs salad but no answer
I sliver up the sairs
"MRS SALAD GET UR ASS UP"
still nothing. I decide to use her breasts as a bouncy house. she wakes up when I stick my touge is up her harry nose. mrs.salad is a short yellow sundress. she found this i. the toddlers section so it bulges in certain sections.
"Mrs. Salad can we put u on a dating crevice?"
i ask already knowing the answer.
"oh snookem bear! of course." she says licking my elbow moistening the sea skin."
I go on 80yearoldsmeet.org
all the men she has wanting her are about 50-80 and I pick want to pick a nice one that might fit her fancy.
there I put up her profile with her in a onsie which had been rolled in with dog poop and many wholes from termites.
Many old men wanted nanny. even though she 29 I know she will love the 89 year old man I set him up with. "MRS SALAD COME COME DEAR" I yell
she comes crawling down revealing more of her skin. I show her the 89 year old man. he has many many forehead wrinkles with practically no teeth exept for some yellow ones with silver fillings. he has gray hair lingering his head. his eyes look like they have been sunken in his face. so in other words her gorgeous.
"HES PERFECT" she screams in delight!
I call up this hunk,
"Hello," I call into the phone.
"Hello?" a rigid weak voice says into the telephone.
"Hi I'm calling about mrs. salad," i respond
"oh that hunck a doodle DOO? does she want a date with this rugid old man?" he asks
"she sure does"
"Oh my great great grabdchildren will be so happy to hear I'm going on a date. I haven't had or since World War II. so does Friday work at hooters?" he asks
"sure does" as I say throwing the phone in the gold fish tank.
I forgot about my fiancée KELLY! I quickly go the hole I buried him under.
he isn't breathing!
I give him mouth to mouth to get the dirt out of his lungs.
he slowly opens his eyes and croaks; "Thatlll be 10 dollars"
I pick him up over his shoulder and harry him into me room. we decide to plan out wedding.
venue: Squirral hut
food: to nail clippings
dress: alpaca furr.
tux: brides dead foot skin.
that's all we have planned.
________
a/n
oh hey I didn't c u there! well ik uk ik u love this story! so vote! or else I'll eat ur skin! ok enjoy ur hair folicules
