internet crush

eleven- for funzies

I placed your favorite flowers, roses. I always thought they were cliché until I met you. Look how much of an impact you are to my life—were to my life.

The wind sweeped off my shoulders and made my hair go flying. But I didn't mind. It reminded me of you. It felt like you were there, playing with my hair. I didn't flinch at all.

My fingers were numb. Yet, they weren't shaking. They were still. The thought of you holding my hands automatically removed the numbness. I smiled like an idiot.

I reminisced all the nights we would stay up doing some random, stupid things. Though, those nights weren't stupid at all. Those nights were probably the best nights I've ever lived for. It's such a shame that you and I cannot have those night anymore. I'll only have sad dinners, early bedtimes, and lonely nights.

After standing here for awhile, I didn't realize, but I started to cry. Drop by drop. Tear by tear. I did what I was meant to do, but why did it end like this? I didn't do anything bad, did I? I kept my role. He kept his. He was only a young man. Did I not make him happy enough? Was he not pleased?

Some days I wonder, why did Hoseok kill himself? If some things were going on at where he lives, why didn't he talk to me about it? Maybe—just maybe, we could've resolved something. Maybe—oh just maybe, it didn't have to end like this.

Some days I wonder, what if—just what if Hoseok didn't kill himself?

Would that be even the slightest bit possible?

Maybe—

Honk honk

"Hey Jaerin! Are you finished?" I heard my current boyfriend yell out from his car.

"Yeah.. I'm coming." I walked away from his grave.

I want to be happy. Truly happy.
But I just can't figure out how.

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lol hi. this was fun to write.