Hospital memories

Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

"Cancer..."

I was spechless, what are you supposed to say or do in that occasions? Pat the person on the back and say 'sorry'? I wasn't expecting that, I was thinking that Astrid had something like anorexia that... I was expecting to help her. But again, the same story, cancer...

'Always useless' was the most accurate title for my biography. The awful live of Hiccup, who could never save the people he cared for. Yeah, that was the horrible truth.

Fifteen minutes passed and I just stared at the wall, I didn't want to look at Astrid, it would be more painful. Sometimes I opened my mouth thinking that I knew what I should say, but I always ended closing it again. I had never felt more useless in my life, not even when my mother passed away, I was just a kid after all. Not even with Sarah, she always had a dead sentence around herself. But Astrid... since the first day I thought I could help her, save her... but I wasn't some kind of god, I couldn't do anything against cancer. The only thing I could do was pray to some stupid thing out there that I didn't knew if it was real... and maybe that thing or god or however you want to call it could do something against it...

Suddenly the fifteen minutes became half and hour, and later an hour... silence. Until Astrid took a deep breath and interrupted it.

"Do you want me to die while waiting for you to say something?" She said in an exasperate tone, I stopped staring at the wall and looked at her, she still had her hands in fists.

"Oh, sorry... I just don't know what to say." I said, she looked puzzeled.

"Normally everybody is like 'oh, I'm so sorry' and that things." Astrid said, she looked angry.

"And... you want me to pity you?" I said, I was kind of lost, she smiled but in a sinister way.

"No." She answered dryly.

"Wh-what kind of... cancer i-is?" I suttered.

"Stomach, it's more common when you're old... but well, there's always a exception in everything." She said it like if she knew it word by word, I supose that everyone asked her that.

"Oh... that... well that sucks." I said and she laughed, not a fake laugh, it was real, and it broke the tension of the moment.

"I think you're the only one that would ever say that, well... it doesn't surprise me." She said while smiling, I chuckled.

"Hell yeah! I'm pretty amazing!" I exclamed pointing at myself, Astrid rolled her eyes.

"Pretty amazing? You're an idiot!" When she said that I put a fake pain face.

"I'm hurt, pretty much hurt." I said dramatically and she laughed at me.

"Hey! Shut up." I said, she stopped laughing.

"You're a dork." She said and I chuckled.

"Yeah, people say that." She rose an eye brow.

"What people?" She asked, I put my hand on my chin like if I was thinking and sighed.

"Okay, you got me. That people doesn't exist." I said smiling, she put a hand on her mouth dramatically.

"What? I can't belive it." She said sarcatically. I laughed and for a couple of minutes all seemed okay, I had forgot why I was there... why she was there. For a couple on minutes we were just two friends talking.

But the reality struck me like lightning.

Without thinking what I was saying, the words started coming out my mouth.

"Does it hurt?" I asked, at first she looked confused, not understanding my question. But it only took her ten seconds to realize what I was talking about. Her smile fade, like the light of her eyes.

"Sometimes... the worst is the eating part... most of the time I throw up everything, that's why I am so skinny... and that's why I mostly eat ice cream, I don't know why but it's the only thing I can eat okay. But sometimes I... I feel awful and I can't sleep. It's... it's horrible Hiccup. I... I can't stand it anymore, I'm always tired... I'm all day alone except when I'm with you... and my parents are always busy... and they never come to visit me..." Astrid wasn't crying but I knew she was containing the tears, it was horrible to see her like that. Again I didn't knew what I should do. So I hugged her, and she hugged me back, tightly. We stood like that for a couple of minutes, Astrid breathing heavily but slowly her breath became steady. She broke apart, and I saw that she was pale.

"I don't know that you don't want my pity... but I'm sorry. With the time I have learned that the worst things happen to the best people... so I'm sorry that you're amazing Astrid. It's not your fault." She smiled lightly at me and punched my arm.

"You're an idiot... sweet... but an idiot." I smiled back and stood up.

"I have to go, just for a couple of minutes, I have to do something..." With that I stormed out the room and out of the hospital, leaving a confused Astrid there. I went to the nearest cafe and enter.

"I want a yogurt ice cream, to take away please." I said to the waiter. He put a little box on a bag, I paid it and left.

When I returned to Astrid's room, I found her watching T.V. She was surprised to see me.

"I brought ice cream." I said with a grin on my face, showing her the plastic bag.

"Really? That's why you left?" She asked chuckling. I sat by her side and put out the ice cream.

"Yup, that's exactly why I left." And we spent the rest of the afternoon talking, lauhging and eating. Maybe I couldn't save her, but I could be by her side, and make her life in the hospital a little bit... better? Who knows, maybe I could.