Hospital memories

Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

Hiccup's P.O.V

There was no funeral, they said that it was a waste of time and money. After all, only Astrid and me were going to go. On one hand, I wanted Sarah to have a funeral, to say her one last good bye... but on the other hand I didn't like funerals, they were depressing and sad. I didn't want to feel like on my mother's one. I remember that I felt sad, and depressed, and confused too because all the people looked at me with pity on their eyes... but mostly I felt alone because my mother was gone and after her death my father was never at home, he didn't want me to see him cry, because he was suposed to be strong, for me.

I didn't want to feel that way again, never.

The only things I had left of Sarah were her few belongings and a grave with her name on the graveyard of Berk.

During the firsts weeks after Sarah's death I wasn't the same, mostly because I felt horrible for not being by Sarah's side until the end. The only thing that made me feel better was the fact that her last words and her last smile were for me. That and Astrid of course, I knew that she was very affectated by Sarah's death, but between us she was the one who was better, and it was her duty to make me feel better. At least she thought that.

Astrid made me feel better because she didn't look at me with pity, she didn't asked me how I was dealing with it. She just act like if nothing had happened, that way when I was with Astrid, just for that short period of time, I thought that Sarah was still alive, that she was in the room with the other children playing happily. And just for that same period of time, I thought that Astrid was not ill.

But always the reality struck again.

When Sarah left I stopped writing people stories. Since Astrid came to the hospital I wrote less and less, but that day I definitely stopped. I gave Astrid my notebook because I didn't want it near me, a lot of things in there were Sarah's stories and drawings, maybe in a few months I could read them again...

Days passed and with them, little by little I became better. It still hurted but I could live with it, that's what I always did, live with the lost of the people I loved.

One day I realized how idiot I was, because I didn't knew if Astrid was going to reunite with Sarah soon. I was wasting time grieving, and I could use that time being with Astrid, talking to her. So that day instead of being all the evening by Astrid side saying how much I missed Sarah and how bad was the life, I spent it talking with Astrid like we used to, talking about everything but at the same time about anything. Just chatting like two friends, because after all that was what we were, friends. Even if I wanted to be... well, more than friends. But Astrid would never knew that. Or would she?

"Astrid, how are you?" She looked shocked by my sudden question, we hadn't had a normal conversation in a while.

"Ermm... I'm okay, what about you?" She asked.

"I'm... I'm okay." I replied, she smiled because she knew what that meant. I was finally okay.

"I'm glad to hear that." She simply said.

"So... tell me something Astrid." I said, she rose her eyebrow.

"Okay... yesterday I finished Tale of two cities." She made a pause. "And, I like it very much and... yeah, that's it, it was interesting so I liked it." She finished.

"Cool, I haven't read it but I'll put it in my 'to read' list." I replied and Astrid chuckled.

"Are you saying to me that you have a 'to read' list? Because once I told you about mine and you found it stupid." She said.

"Okay you got me, it's not a real list, it's more like a mental one you know?" I said trying to sound cool, obviously I didn't.

"That's why you never remember the books you want to read?" She said smiling.

"Yeah! That's exact-... now that I think about it, maybe that list is a good idea." I answered while Astrid rolled her eyes.

We keep talking about random things for a while until I decide that it was time to leave.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow probably." I said while I stood up.

"Yeah, and I'll be here... maybe." I waved at her and when I was going to exit the room Astrid talked.

"I've missed you Hiccup." I looked at her confused.

"But... I've been here all the time." I replied and she chuckled.

"You know what I mean Hiccup." And I knew it.