Losing you

HER

"Hello."
I guess all relationships start with a, hello, how are you. But you can't believe how surprised I was when you were the one that approached me. Your deep voice echoed through my ears and played on loop as I longed to hear more. I remember blushing the very first time you spoke. You just looked at me and smiled. Didn't you know that my heart was exploding?
You smiling just made it worse.
I somehow managed to reply.
"H-h-hello"
You giggled when I stuttered. I know the word giggled sounds all cute and innocent, but that's perfect for you. Cute and innocent. You were back then, and you still are.
Is that why I feel different now? Did I hope for something to change?
Up close your beauty became even more apparent. Your skin looked so soft and I just wanted to touch it. It feels weird to say it now but I was totally head over heals for you.
We started to talk more often as time went by. The more you spoke, the more I fell for you.
In this case love was an illness and whatever you did made it worse, until it infected my whole body so that I couldn't control it anymore.
I wonder if you loved me then. Or were you just doing it to make Yeji happy?
After a few months she seemed completely fine.
She had gotten a boyfriend, and by what she told me I believed it was her first.
You liar.
The moment I remember most vividly from these 5 years is the first time you help my hand. Your soft fingers interlocked mine and I felt as if I was in heaven. A bit exaggerated? That's what I think looking back at the moment now. But my 16 year old self thought it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
You stared deep into my eyes and I felt my heart skip a beat. I had never been through a feeling that strong, so I thought I was going to die. I gasped as I clutched my chest. You broke eye contact and looked away, slightly blushing as you attempted to hide your smile.
Is this when you fell for me? I'm sorry.
You walked me home every day, remember that?
I loved spending all that time with you, however when I found out you lived really far from me, I felt guilty for wasting your time.
"It's fine. Anything for you."
My heart skipped a beat again.
Is that what they call flirting?
You could have just been saying that to make me happy and keep the promise you made.

But I didn't know that then.