If I Knew Then

Chapter 10: Curious

Brian and Nick reached Cocoa Beach a couple of hours later due to traffic from driving through Orlando.

"I'm glad you brought me here," Nick smiled as he breathed in the fresh sea air once they pulled up to their hotel. He loved Florida because there was always an ocean nearby, his favorite place in the world to be. He dreamed one day of having a house on the beach to himself, or maybe with another person once he had enough money.

He sometimes wondered if he would be living with a certain someone in that house...

"Are you?" Brian asked, jarring him out of his daydream.

Nick got out of the truck and grabbed his book bag.

"Yeah. It's been a long time since we hung out just the two of us."

He was very right because Brian had been spending so much time with Leighanne that he was neglecting his friends. Now that he was away from her, things with Nick didn't seem so weird anymore. He was comfortable and could just be himself. The two of them checked into the hotel and Brian opened their door.

"Did they make a mistake? There's only one bed." Nick pointed out at the king size bed in the middle of the room. Brian could have sworn he had booked two beds but they'd shared before in the past because the band wasn't making that much money. What could it hurt to share now?

You totally did this on purpose.

Shut up. It's not like that at all.

"Brian? Hello, you're zoning out on me." Nick called to him as he was having a mental argument with himself.

"Oh. Sorry, I must be tired from driving to your house and then here. You don't mind sharing the bed, do you? They didn't have any other rooms left because it's a holiday weekend." Brian explained, which wasn't a total lie but still believable.

Nick considered this for a minute and threw his book bag down on the floor, kicking his shoes off and letting himself fall into the bed. The room was a decent size, with a refrigerator in one corner, a bathroom and a ceiling fan. A small bathroom occupied the other corner.

"I figured we could just chill in the room tonight and have pizza if you wanted, and tomorrow we could go to the beach, watch the fireworks from the pier...have dinner at the restaurant there." Brian suggested. They both agreed that pizza was a good option because it was Nick's favorite so each of them ordered their own pie and gallon of soda. They decided to watch Dumb and Dumber that night, which was one of Brian's favorites because he loved Jim Carrey.

"Florida pizza isn't as good as New York, you know." Nick said with a mouthful of cheese a while later. He washed it down with a swig from his soda bottle as Brian laughed at him and ate.

"I think I agree with you on that one, but this is still pretty good."

"I wonder what makes it so good?"

"Maybe it's the water up there."

Nick looked as if he was deep in thought for a few moments before wiping his mouth on his sleeve and letting out a huge belch. Brian shook his head and laughed. Nick didn't have the best manners but there was something about him that he liked and he didn't know why.

"I love this movie, if either of us ever has to wear tuxes we should get an orange one and a blue one. It would be so funny."

"You're something else, Nick. I'll do it if you wear the orange one." Brian said, setting down the soda bottle and folding his legs so he was sitting Indian style on the carpet in front of the bed.

"Deal."

They continued talking through the movie until it was over and then Brian decided to discuss something that was on his mind currently given all of the strange feelings he was having recently.

"Can I ask you kind of a personal question?" Brian said suddenly, as Nick picked up the empty pizza boxes to put on the table next to the television. He looked at him funny and walked back, sitting next to Brian at the end of the bed.

"Okay."

"How did you find out that you were....well...you know."

"Gay?"

Brian's ears turned a little pink when Nick filled in the word for him and Nick sighed, looking up at the ceiling.

"Well, I started feeling different, I guess. It was really weird. I noticed guys more than girls. Guys make me feel more comfortable. I never really felt myself when I was with Mandy to tell you the truth. I wanted to like her but I didn't see anything beyond her looks. I didn't love her. It was like that with any girl I hung out with, but when I was with you and the guys...I felt like I could really be myself. I started noticing things that I shouldn't normally notice and I would get turned on by it."

"Like what?"

Nick made a face at Brian because usually Brian normally didn't want to even acknowledge that he was gay let alone ask questions about it. Something was off. He'd been feeling that way since Brian showed up at his family's house.

"What is going on with you, Brian?" Nick asked, staring him down.

Brian tried to pretend he wasn't feeling slightly anxious.

"I-uh....er..." he started, but Nick cut him off.

"You never seemed to care about this before, so why start now? What's wrong, Brian? What's really wrong with you, because none of this makes any sense. First of all you tell me to hide it from everyone, then you tell Leighanne that I'm constantly bothering you and I'm obsessed with you..and now you show up at my house wanting to go away with me for the weekend? What are you getting out of all of this, are you getting some sort of kick out of it or are you just using me?" Nick snapped suddenly. Brian looked down at the floor and blushed because he deserved everything Nick was saying. What was he doing, exactly and why? Nothing made sense to him any more, his chest hurt and he felt anxious. Taking deep breaths he spoke slowly because he didn't want to upset Nick further.

"No-nothing...Nothing's wrong. I am just trying to understand you more, that's all. If I am making you uncomfortable, I will stop asking questions. We just never have talked about it since you told me and I was thinking about it. That's it."

Nick nodded and played with a stray string on the carpet, thinking.

"You were thinking about me being gay?"

"Yes. Seriously, I mean it Nick. I seriously want to know how you knew." Brian answered when he saw the skeptical look on his face.

"Well, it's hard to explain because it's not normal to be like this. You said it yourself and I realized you were right because I feel weird. I know I'm not like everyone else and I have been feeling like this for a while. I suppose since I have been going through puberty."

He didn't want to tell Brian that he was in love with him, or that Brian made him start noticing he was attracted to boys in the first place. He always knew he was different but being around the other guys made him notice it more.

"Different, as in how?" Brian pressed.

Nick licked his lips and Brian stared intently at him, allowing himself to slightly wonder if his lips were as soft as they looked.

"Just....different. Like I'm meant for something else. Like I'm looking for the Nick I'm meant to be instead of the Nick everyone wants me to be."

Brian nodded as he listened and realized he felt all of these things too, the real question now was would he allow Nick to help him figure this out or would he keep denying his heart what it was trying to tell him this whole time?