Silent Vapours | Smoke X Mute | Rainbow Six Siege | FanFiction

chapter 2 - anything for you

"...and i guess i just wanted to say, that i-"

don't say it!
you're pathetic.
you heard him, he's right. fucking weak.
don't you dare tell him how you feel.
don't feel it.
stop it!
you can't love him, he'll never love you.
he fucking hates you, can't you see?
you're a disgusting human!
he'll never love-

"hey... hey! james, what's wrong?" mark raised his voice in worry, scooting closer to him as he noticed his attention drawing to the tiles beneath his feet.

"huh? w-what happened? sorry i-" he felt confused, the voices in his head causing him to lose his train of thought.

"hey, it's alright, mate. you just blacked out a second, really had me worried." he chuckled halfheartedly, still really concerned.

ever since the events that took place three years ago, james was never the same witty and bubbly man that he used to be. once a warm-hearted joker, turned cold and saddened downer. it hurt mark a lot to see him that way, especially whenever he'd get extremely low and depressed.

he never blamed him though. he knew how traumatising the experience was. how he constantly rubbed his index and middle fingers across the scar on the corner of his mouth, how he'd shiver and shuffle his feet, overlapping them whenever he grew anxious - and how he'd always get lost in his thoughts, fading off into the darkness that was his own mind.

he always tried his best to cheer him up, reminded him that he's always there whenever he needed him. deep down, james always knew this. his mind would often tell him otherwise.

a warm cup of tea from him, his mind often saw it as pity and patronising. it was hard distinguishing the differences in the way people treated him, but he always tried to tell himself that mark only wanted the best for him.

~

*later that night*

james laid silently on his bed, gazing up at the ceiling of his shared-apartment at rainbow's base. he wanted to live alone, to escape his colleagues and the outside world - mark thought otherwise. he insisted on sharing an apartment so he could keep and eye on him, whilst also giving him someone to talk to whenever he felt low or needed help. it was almost as though mark dedicated his life to protecting james and he always felt a ball of guilt in his stomach for never showing gratitude and appreciation. mark knew how much it meant to him though, he was just fine with the simple "ta's and cheers'" that he got as responses.

reaching to his nightstand beside him, he grabbed his phone, tapping the screen to illuminate the space around him. he winced from the brightness and instantly turned it down on the slider, checking the time shortly after: 9:34 pm.

he smiled to himself. the smallest and weakest of smiles. but it was definitely a smile. he knew mark would be back from training in just a few minutes, counting the seconds in his head as he gripped his bed sheets in anticipation.

when around five minutes went by, he heard the click of the front door and the gentle closing afterwards. the sound of mark's shoes landing against the wooden flooring echoed through the apartment. then his bedroom door clicked, light slowly spilling into the darkness like the moon in the night sky. once opened, there stood his tall and muscular silhouette, light pouring over him.

"why, hello there, sir." he greeted in a mock-posh accent, bowing and tipping his imaginary hat at the foot of james' bed.

james snickered to himself, trying to hide it with his shirt as he adjusted his position on his bed to sit upwards.

mark slowly made his way towards him, running a hand through his messy locks of brunette hair with a fond smile. james blushed with a grin tugging at his lips, thankful that it was concealed by the dimness of his room. mark took a seat on the edge of his bed, both just gazing at each other for a moment. the steadiness of their heartbeats made james feel calm at ease.