I will have this stomachache be soothed
By peppermint tea
Repeatedly
just for you to call me up
Fill my tummy with ropes
remind my eyes they have pools overflowing with wasted promises
Wasted time
The pool is overflowing
A body of water now next to me
My ears fill with your voice
Like an army filling a land
ready to kill
Destruction is second nature to you
My heartbeat a thousand drums
My body acts as if it been thrown out
In the cold
Gratefully
you taught me I am not my body
To suck it up and stop shaking so much
Feeling cold is all in your control
I try and build a wall surrounding my heart
That's hard with your tittle
My wall now a curtain
and you just lit it on fire
Match dropped and you smile
I'm supposed to be looking up to you
Instead
i refuse to take you in
be what my eyes have soaked up
You gave me tools for my path
Gold star for that
But you laughed when i grabbed a light
On those pitch dark nights on that gravel road
You blew it out and pushed me aside
You called what you did love
You hold your love away from me
Like a shiny thing in front of a toddler
Learning to walk
You give me your love
As a treat
You give it to me as a privilege
That a father loving his child is something needed to be earned when
days come
That makes me act that way toward you with my love
That day you called me a bitch
That day you cried
That day you felt like everything your dad hit you for
That day you almost let your past
Turn your hands to his for a minute and a half
I try and put up a dam
Holding in all my love
Dry you up
Even if it hurts me more than you to watch you break
Some days
Your pain is hard candy in my mouth
I suck till my sweet tooth cravings are
satisfied
I suck till the cavities have taken over every crevice of my teeth
I suck till another round of stomachaches
Comes to town
The time it takes for the last of the sugar to dissolve on my tongue
You have felt
A small amount
Of my everyday existence
Z.H.
