shattered

chapter 16

I sit in the chair. Back straight, legs crossed at my ankles. Hands folded and placed on my lap. Head down. I need to look demure and like the perfect child while my parents are here.

My hair has been scooped back into a low bun. Perfectly in place. Thank God for Sera.

I can feel my parents eyes on me. I feel like I have pissed them off already, but I don't know what I've done wrong. I've done everything right. Why do their eyes feel like they're burning into my soul. I don't look up to see their faces. I'm too nervous about what I'll see. What if they're glaring at me.

Counsellor Park is sitting behind her desk. A pink suit today. Pink. I think this might just be worse than the yellow one. I'm not sure where she gets these outfits, but that shop needs to be shut down.

She clears her throat, drawing everyones attention to her.

"So, _______ is doing well. But, I noticed you haven't been to one of our family days, so I thought we should all have a meet up and discuss what has happened and will be happening in the future."

"Oh. We didn't realise the family days were compulsory. Sorry. We would have been at them, but unfortunately work kept us incredibly busy." My mother has a sweet smile on her face.

"_______ kept insisting to us that it wasn't important and we shouldn't come in." My father states.

Why am I getting the blame? I haven't actually talked to them once since I've been here. So how can I insist anything?

"But we're so happy that she's doing better. We have been so worried about her." My mother reaches over to pat my hand.

"She knows that as soon as she is deemed well enough, she can come home. We will be rushing down here to pick her up."

What? They... they want me? But... they told me I wasn't part of their family anymore. Did they, did they not mean it?

"She is our baby girl. But she has struggled a lot since her sister passed away. We just didn't know what to do to help her." My mother states this in the softest of voices. I'm sure my mouth is hanging open.

My parents both turn to look at me. "We've redone your bedroom. Made it into a nice relaxing space for you for when you come back home. You just need to get better sweetie."

Are... are these actually my parents? I want to go home with them. I want them to love me.

My parents keep saying they love me. My mother keeps a tight grip on my hand. Like she doesn't want to let me go.

I look on in awe as they speak with Counsellor Park. Maybe... maybe they do want me. Maybe they have missed me.

Maybe I'm actually going to be good enough for them.

The conversation continues. They explain how they have struggled since Jiah's death as well. And they didn't know how to help me. They wanted to help me, but they felt like they were failing as parents. Especially when I started hurting myself.

Have I been looking at them all wrong. I don't think I ever thought about all of this from their perspective. Yes. They wanted me to be just like Jiah, but... but maybe that was the only way they could deal with their grief.

Maybe that was the only way they could get through it all.

Maybe I am good enough.

"We have missed ______. So much." My mother reaches out and runs her fingers through my hair. I look into her eyes and smile. I feel like I'm enough. I am enough. I am loved.

By the end of the meeting, I have a huge smile plastered on my face. I have a home again. I have a family. One that loves me.

"_______, come walk us out please. We need to talk about some things."