shattered

chapter 2

Yoongi POV

I voluntarily signed myself in here. I knew I needed to get some help, but that doesn't make being here any easier. That doesn't mean I want to open myself up to these strangers. They'll judge me. I know they will think I have the perfect life and that I don't have anything to be depressed about.

It's all a fucking lie. My life is far from perfect. I'm far from perfect, but everyone expects me to be. Everyone judges my clothes, my movements, what I say, what I do, where I go, who I see. All day, every day, people are judging me; and what's worse... I can read what they say.

I know all the nasty comments. I know all the fucking lies they tell. I know all the fucking rumors. I know everything.

I should be use to this now. I've been in the public eye for over 6 years. I thought I had beaten it, but it had just been having a nap; and now it's engulfing my mind, it's dragging me down into the darkness again. My smiles have stopped being genuine. My laughter is just about non-existent now.

So here I am. Crazy people central. No. Not crazy. Just struggling. They are struggling. I'm struggling.

I need to get better. I'm letting the guys down right now. They're all working on the next album, and I'm here. Like I'm on a fucking holiday. I tried to bringing my equipment, but I wasn't allowed. They confiscated it when I arrived. Apparently it would be a danger to some of the people here. Like I would let anyone near my stuff.

I roll my eyes and look around the room the Counsellor and I are in. She looks like a bird. Who wears a yellow suit? Ok... yes... I have worn some weird shit, but it was a costume! I don't know what she's doing it for. Does she think it will make people laugh? Weirdo.

The walls are some kind of weird beige grey combination, and there are 15 other black chairs are set in a semi-circle around Counsellor Park.
The walls are bare of any decoration. Not even a poster of a kitten telling me to 'hang in there'.

There's a vague tinkling sound, and the door swings open. I raise my eyes as I hear a slight giggle. And I freeze.
She's beautiful. What's she doing here? She looks perfect even in that baby blue outfit they make us wear. Her hair is pushed back from her face so I can see her clearly. Her eyes lock onto mine, and her mouth makes a small "o" shape, pushing her lips out into the perfect pout. Jin would be jealous of those lips.

She stumbles forward as someone bumps into her. I want to hurt them. How could they do that? She's perfect.
She gives her head a small shake like she's coming back to herself.

My eyes stay on her as she steps around the last remaining chair and takes her seat. Even how she sits is perfect. Why is she here? She seems like the most put together person in this room.

The Counsellor is saying something, and I don't even care. Why look at that bird when I can see perfection?

She shuffles slightly in her seat and then speaks. "Annyeong. I'm _______." That's it. That's all she says, I want more. Her voice is soft and musical. I could write a billion songs about it and it would still never be able to compare to the sound of her voice.

She let's out a soft but frustrated sigh, "I have depression." Then it's like she shuts down. Suddenly the curtains have been drawn and everyone has been barred from entering.

My eyes flicker to Counsellor Park and I see an irritated look on her face. I look back at ______, but her eyes are glued to the floor. If she stared any harder a hole would form. Her hands start to rub against her thighs as if something is irritating her.

Others are speaking but I don't care. My eyes are on her.

A light tap on my arm tells me it's my turn to speak. I feel awkward now, everyone is looking at me except her. I rub at the nape of my neck and clear my throat. "Min Yoongi." I mutter. I keep my eyes on her, so I see the moment her head snaps up. Her eyes immediately meet mine, they pull me in. There's something familiar there, but I've never seen this girl before today.

"And...?"

I snap my eyes to the Counsellor, what does she want from me. We all know everyone is here because of depression. Why do we have to say it. It feels like we are at an AA meeting. Hi my name is Min Yoongi and I'm depressed?

"And I have depression...?"

I see a slight smile snake it's way across ______'s face.
I ignore Counsellor Park's scowl, and the person next to me starts talking. There's a lot of talking. I don't like talking.

Finally the session is over.

"________. Stay behind please. Min Yoongi. You too."

Well damn. First day and I'm already in trouble. I roll my eyes. Not gonna be the last time either.

Everyone else shuffles out and the door closes behind them.
I stay seated, there's not much she could say to me that I haven't told myself before. This is bullshit. Why did I think it was a good idea to sign myself in here. I don't think there's one damn person here I can relate to.

Counsellor Park clears her throat. "Tomorrow, I expect the both of you to contribute properly." I watch _____ roll her eyes. Shes cute. "_______, don't bother rolling your eyes at me."

"Mr Min. I know you're new here, but you are expected to contribute properly in these sessions. You wont get better if you don't make an effort."
I slightly nod my head in acknowledgement.

"Is that all you needed Counsellor?" She asks in a saccharine tone. A smirk crosses my face, but I wipe it off quickly.

"While I don't appreciate the tone ______. Yes. I am finished for the day. You can both go."

She hurries to stand and leave, as soon as she breaches the door frame she takes a deep breath.

I slowly follow. God I'm tired. Maybe I can go take a nap.