shattered

chapter 23

Flowers arrived the next morning, it was strange as hell. Aside from the fact this is the first time anything has been delivered for me. But, there was no note, just a bouquet of flowers sent to me.

The scent of yellow roses and babies breath fills the air. And I can't help but lean in closer to smell them. A blush flushes my cheeks as I stare down at them. I can feel everyones eyes on me, but I can't bring myself to look back at them.

The silence is broken by the sound of food hitting the table. It breaks through the atmosphere, allowing everyone to go back to what they had previously been doing.

Low murmurs fill the air as conversations erupt again. But I can still feel someones eyes on me. I shyly glance around the room, trying to spot them.

Our eyes clash. His burn with something inside. I drop mine to the floor again. I haven't forgiven him yet.

I know I will forgive him, but... I don't know if I should wait to talk to him. It's not like he didn't say anything I haven't already told myself. I bite softly on my lower lip. Contemplating.

Jiah would have wanted me to be happy. She would have been proud of me.

It's me. I'm the one that can't see my worth. I'm the one who doubts at every turn. I'm the idiot that's stopping me from doing anything, from getting out of here.

This stupid mind of mine.

Everything is my fault. I'm the one that fucks shit up all the damned time. Hell, I can't even talk to a guy without making a fool of myself. He must truly think that I'm a freak of nature.

Suddenly, there's a hand waving back and forth in front of my face, and I snap back to attention, my body jerking back slightly. I raise my head to glare at the offender. But... it's him. Yoongi.

He smiles down at me softly, as if I'm going to break at any moment. As if I'm going to tell him to fuck off. My heart starts to pick up its pace, and a swarm of butterflies explodes to life in my stomach.

"Hey. Uh. Can... can I talk to you for a minute? I-in private." His voice is low, so no one will be able to overhear our conversation. And I understand why, if I was him I would also be embarrassed about having to talk to me.

I nod my head in agreement. Handing the flowers to Sera and asking her to put them in a vase for me please, before following him out the room.

We slowly make our way back up to the rooftop, both of us feeling and looking awkward. Somehow we are always drawn back to this space. Up high. Like we are trying to rise above our problems. Our demons. If only it was as easy as walking up a few flights of stairs.

I take a seat on the ground. Pulling one knee up to my chest, while the other lies flat against the ground. Leaning my head back against the ledge, watching as Yoongi paces in front of me. His hands rake through his hair. Strands going in all directions, and he looks even more gorgeous than usual because of it.

"Um... so, um." He starts. His left hand making it's way to his mouth and he paces and bites at his nails.

"Yoongi-ah?" I ask hesitantly. Pulling his attention back to me. "I need to apologi-"

"No!" He interrupts. "No. I do. I shouldn't have said what I did. I shouldn't have made assumptions about your sister. I had no right to say what I did. I had no right to say anything like that about your sister. I didn't even know her, so I shouldn't have tried to tell you what she would have thought." The words tumble out of him quickly. I don't think he actually took a breath.

"Yoongi," I can feel the tears in my eyes, but I blink them away. "You shouldn't apologize. What you said was right. She would have wanted me to be happy. She would have been proud of me." I keep my eyes on him as I speak. I want him to know and feel my sincerity.

My eyes remain on his, our gaze softening the longer we stare.

His brown eyes seem to stare right down into my soul, but it doesn't feel uncomfortable. It feels safe and warm. A loving embrace. A safe harbor.

His eyes flicker down to my lips as my tongue runs along my lower lip. I can't help but watch as his darts out before sliding back into his mouth.

He lowers himself to his knees in front of me. Leaning forward, he eyes still on my lips.

Is... is he going to kiss me?

I want him to. God, do I want his lips to press softly against mine.

But... but what if I fuck this up. What if my breath smells bad, what if he doesn't like kissing me.

Then his lips meet mine in a gentle caress. And all thought but the touch of his lips flies from my mind.

He tastes of strawberries, and his masculine scent fills all my senses. He leans against my legs, asking for permission to come closer. Our lips  tentatively touching before he kisses me again, harder. My leg falls to the side as he pushes to get closer to me.
His mouth moves against mine, encouraging and caressing my lips into kissing him back.

His tongue runs along my lips and I open for him. Welcoming the invasion of him in me.

His hands rise, and cup my face, before changing our angles to deepen the kiss even further.
He draws me in closer, so close I can feel the heat coming off his body.

My senses are consumed by him. My sight filled with his beauty. His scent fills the air surrounding me. His taste. His touch. And then... his moan. A low rumble of pure enjoyment.

I can't help but moan in response to him overwhelming me. My eyes fluttering closed of their own accord.

Our tongues duel and caress, little bites along lips, teasing nips and moans.

Eventually our kisses slow down before he pulls away. I let out a small mewl of complaint. I have never made that sound before. A soft chuckle fills the air.

I can feel his eyes on me, as I open my eyes, his expression is unreadable. I still feel dazed. If he can kiss like that..... a sigh escapes from me.

"______?" He whispers, as if he is scared to break the spell we are under.

"Hmmmm?" I whisper.  Not wanting to break this spell. This moment of happiness. This moment of bliss.

"Um... come on a date with me?"

I can feel my eyes widen as I look at him in shock.

He... he wants to go on a date. With me?

"Yes. With you."

Oh shit! Did I just say that out loud?

"Uh..." Words _____! WORDS! Use your words. Fuck. How do I use words? How do I form them?
My mouth seems to have become detached from my brain. The two have completely forgotten how to communicate.

My mouth gapes open and shut, trying to form words, but with no idea how to do it anymore.

His eyes remain on me and I flounder, trying to come up with a response. Any response.

I can feel my breathing start to quicken the longer it takes. My brain starting to fog over. My body starting to go into shock.

But his hand caresses mine, rubbing soothing circles onto the flesh. Grounding me in this moment.

He starts to hum a tune under his breath. Its melody soothing all the rough edges of my mind.

My breathing starts to become regular again. A small smile breaking across his face as he notices this.

He pulls me in even closer to his body. One hand still caressing soothing circles, this time on my back, while the other rests at my waist. Our faces are mere centimeters apart.

"Go on a date with me."

It's not a question anymore, but a demand. One that I can't help but nod my head in agreement with. I watch as a big smile breaks across his face. Mine responding in kind.

I have a date.