The sight of her standing in the doorway, in her familiar tee and short combo now with an oversized wool cardigan made his heartbeat fasten, he hadn't seen her for a day and it felt like an eternity. Her face was pale, her dark eyes like looking into his deepest soul. He wished she was exactly seeing what was in there, because there was nothing else than the wish, the need to be with her. He couldn't tire of looking at her, her yelling at him, eyes gleaming, chin stuck out, god he wanted to just kiss her mouth, that mouth he was craving for so long now.
„Selin, please! You need to give me a chance to explain"
She stepped in his direction beginning to push him from the veranda, he was stepping back trying to avoid her pushes. The rain had began just minutes before and was getting stronger.
„Selin, we are getting wet"
„Get in your car and piss off! GO AWAY. Didn't you want me to leave originally, look I am making it easy for you and your fiancee. As I have not the money to pay you out of the house, I think it is settled that I leave. See? I'm not up to games, I'm tired, the last months have worn me out and your last strike has given me the last hit. KEEP THE HOUSE!"
Demir had reached for her hands and was holding her knuckles.
„No no no, Selin, that is not what I want, there is no house without you"
Selin trying to withdraw her hands from him, the rain was pouring now, her hair and clothes sticking onto her.
„DEMIR go, please let me be for myself here in peace and I promise to return and handle my stuff."
„No Selin, that is not what I want, i need you to come back to our home. And now lets get in the house, you're gonna catch a cold"
„Sure, me the Yayla girl is going to get ill and not Lord Demir Erendil, but what are we even talking, please, look I'm making it easy for you, you have no responsibilities. We just got carried away in close proximity, like Bünyamin bey said, the closeness and hormones, i mean we barely kissed a couple of times, even more happens at parties, there is nothing to tie you to any promise."
He was getting slightly angry about her talking over their kiss being of no relevance. More rain was coming onto them. But she was obviously not done,
„And actually I don't want to stay in that house, there is nothing holding me, it all got spoiled, no relevance at all, I can make a home everywhere I go... and will."
This was going all wrong, she really was talking about leaving the house and getting her stuff out of it. His throat was cramping and he had a hard time breathing. An excruating „SELIN" escaped his throat! „Selin, stop it, even the thought of you leaving the house is killing me! I LOVE YOU! Eylül is..." Selin face twisting to a grimace by the mention of her name.
„She is my past, yes, what she did was painful but she means nothing anymore!"
„I don't want to talk about this, her, I've seen how you're suffering since she's back, seen your face and it's expression that i couldn't understand, but now it all makes sense. I can barely stand the thought of it, so please, please why don't you just go" tears had started to fall from her chin with the rain.
„Please baby, don't cry, please, I can't bear you crying over my dumbness because it was nothing else. My awfully wrong decision to wait for the right opportunity to talk about it because I was scared to death about how you were going to take it. What you've seen was me being clueless over what to do and my fear of abandonment. Losing her was painful but it was long ago and looking back at it she decided it correct, we never would have worked. Now I know but I had to find out first and yes I have bought my shares in Artemim to get to her, not even to get her back but to get an explanation at least. But you know what happened?"
She pulled her arms out of his grip and was walking back to the house, both were soaking wet.
„Please don't lie to me, you are barely yourself since she is back!"
He followed her„I was trapped in my own mistake not telling you, I was scared to death to loose you! And look what is happening?! It seems, it is my destiny, always making a mistake and not deserving the people I love, look how I repeated this again! When she returned all the memories of it came back, in all vivid cruelty. The feeling of not being enough, being too bearing, being too controlling, too clingy and needy. With you I really thought I overcame all that, you not worrying about norms, being yourself and taking me as I am, giving me more love than i ever felt in my life before. It is like learning to see colors and light after I was blind, I was dead worried to loose this, us! She means nothing than the memory of my fears of not being enough and look at me! I screwed up again but I can't let you go, I am not able to let you go, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING" The last words were a loud cry, his voice breaking several times.
She stared flabbergasted at his face, her own tears running down her face. This giant of man, standing infront of her, crying, his pain and fear like an open book on his face.
YOU ARE READING
Finding Selin, Finding home
Roman d'amourAn idea born out of this tweet: „i predict a sudden interruption due to the exlül affairs, selin leaving, angsty demir chasing and a very hot reuninion with a scene on the level of our first kiss! universe(i mean ender) do you hear me? i like this i...