Girl Drummer Meets Boy Drummer(A7X/Jimmy FanFic)

Chapter 24~Leaving It All Behind

When Jimmy came home, I found it hard not to let a lump form in my throat. It was even harder not to blurt out what I'd found out earlier, and I did my best to act like everything was alright, which I had become good at. I knew that he was going to the studio again tomorrow, and that's when I'd have to make my getaway if I was to do this without anyone knowing. I hated thinking that he'd come home tomorrow, and I'd be missing along with my stuff. Kristina would come home from her honeymoon to find that I've hit the road after I'd said I couldn't break up with Jimmy. Forever Falling would be missing a member of their band, and they'd have to decide whether to continue or to replace me with someone else. All of them would hate me for different reasons. Kristina, Michael and Henry would hate me because I left the band without notice, leaving them to make last minute decisions. Nick would hate me because after finding him, I was going to leave him this time. Connor would hate me because I'd just left him without so much as a goodbye. Matt, Zacky, Johnny, and Brian would hate me because of what I did to Jimmy. And lastly and most importantly, Jimmy would hate me because I'd hurt him, and left without an explanation. But I wouldn't leave without kissing him and telling him I love him.

That night when we went to bed, I snuggled into his chest and took in his scent. Tears built up in my eyes as I thought about how I'd never sleep next to him again, this was my last night with him before I left. He was completely oblivious to the fact that I'd disappear from his life in just a matter of hours, taking his first child with me. I'm a horrible person for what I'm going to do, but I don't see any other option that won't end up with me leaving anyway. I was fairly certain that if I told him, it'd end badly, and I didn't want to fight with him before leaving anyway.

As I shut my eyes, I heard Jimmy's voice next to my ear in a whisper. "Please don't ever leave me." I had to stifle a whimper, it was like he knew but he didn't. The only thing I could do was snuggle up closer to him, I couldn't say anything back without my voice cracking. I felt his arms wrap around me tighter, and I had to swallow back the lump in my throat that had formed.

When I woke up the next morning, Jimmy was already awake, he had been watching me sleep. He liked to do that, I don't know why though, he never really said. He smiled at me and kissed my forehead.

"Morning." He greeted me. I forced a small smile back.

"Hey." I responded, and then before I could stop myself I blurted out, "I have a question."

"Yeah?"

"If something bad happened, and we ended up not seeing each other for a really long time, would you still love me?" I asked in a quiet voice.

"Absolutely." He didn't hesitate to answer.

"No matter how much it hurt?"

"No matter how much it hurt." He confirmed, and then added, "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, um, just wondering. I had this dream last night, and stuff happened and it sorta scared me so... that's why I asked." I covered up, and he studied my face for a moment.

"Ok then." He said in a light tone, and I mentally let out a breath of relief. "Well, I gotta get dressed and go to the studio." Jimmy got up from the bed and started searching for something to wear. I watched him sadly, cursing myself out in my mind.

Once I'd dressed as well, I went downstairs to say goodbye. Every step I took killed me more, it didn't take mood swings for me to feel like falling to my knees and sob this time. I felt like my shoes were made of lead as I walked to the entryway.

"I'll see you later, ok?" Jimmy said when I'd approached him. Goddamnit, he's making this harder than I want it to be. But, it's not like he's doing it on purpose because he doesn't know.