Girl Drummer Meets Boy Drummer(A7X/Jimmy FanFic)

Chapter 26~Indecision

Hannah came over again, and she pretty much couldn't wait any longer for an answer about the concert after she'd been in my living room for five minutes. Chloe was in her room, drawing and coloring pictures. Chloe recently took up a love for drawing, and for a four year old, she actually was pretty good. I could never draw to save my life. Once, in elementary school, I tried drawing a dragon. Let's just say it didn't look like a dragon once I was done.

"So, will you go!?" Hannah demanded, and I stared at her blankly for a few moments. My heart said yes and my head said no. But I didn't know which one was right. I know people always tell you to listen to your heart, but sometimes when you listen to your heart, you end up with more hurt and pain in the end. It's not always fairytales and glitter, sadly.

"I don't know, Hannah. I really don't." I sighed, frowning slightly as I stared at the floor.

Hannah's face fell, and she studied me for a moment. "Megz, what are you afraid of?" She asked in a soft voice. I don't know what I was so afraid of, maybe I was afraid that I'd get there and they would tell me to leave. Maybe I was scared that if I approached Jimmy, he would turn around and walk away. Honestly, I couldn't really tell you what I was so afraid of because there were so many different choices and possibilities.

"Are you afraid of some sort of rejection?" Hannah waited for an answer.

"Maybe, I don't know. But, I think I could be scared that Chloe will be so set on meeting her father, and Jimmy will just walk away. That would shatter her. And it would be because of what I did, because I left." I sat down and put my head in my hands. Hannah sat down next to me.

"Megan, look at me." She demanded. I wouldn't do it. "Megan. Look at me." Her voice was firmer this time, and without thinking I lifted my head and looked at her. "I know that I don't know him, but you do. Think about it, do you really think that he would do that?"

"I don't know." That's all I seemed to have the answer for lately. Hannah gave me a disapproving look.

"You didn't think about it." She muttered, and I rolled my eyes at her, but I went back and thought about it anyway. Was it possible for someone as loving as Jimmy to walk away from his daughter? I thought about how Jimmy was with Connor. He treated that kid like his own, and it only took Connor about ten seconds to start becoming close to him. If Jimmy was like that with a kid who wasn't even his own, would he treat his actual kid any different?

"Have you thought about it?" Hannah asked. I nodded, and she said, "Alright, then do you think he would act that way towards Chloe?"

I sighed, knowing the answer deep within my heart. "No, he wouldn't."

Hannah smiled, and patted my back. "There, that's better. So, I'm going to ask again. Will you go and see him?"

My heart screamed yes, but my head was still conflicting, shouting no back. I had this war going on inside of me. I wasn't sure which part of me spoke louder, my head or my heart. My heart screamed yes, because I wanted Chloe to meet Jimmy, and I wanted Jimmy to know he was a father and tell him why I left after all this time. But my head screamed no, because I was still afraid. I was afraid he would tell me he hated me, when I still loved him. I thought if I didn't go, I might be saving myself from a shitload of extra pain I don't need. But then, I wanted more than anything to have that possibility of being with him again. There were a lot of times when I was stressed out and wished to hear his voice whispering in my ear that he loved me. Every morning I still woke up in bed, expecting to see him next to me, his blue eyes that I loved so much watching me. And every morning, I grew a little bit more disappointed and regretted what I'd done a little bit more.

So before I could stop myself, I blurted, "Yeah, I'll go."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry about the shortness of this, but it's just a filler. There were will be more updates today, so keep your eyes peeled!!!