Waste it on me (BTS Jungkook x Reader)

Chapter 4: Do I make you uncomfortable?

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Jungkook's point of view

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My hands had a mind of their own when it came to sketching. Whenever I didn't know what to draw, I just let my hands take hold of the pencil and let the lines on the page form. Lately everything I've been doodling always connects back to you. Today it's this latte you gave me. The truth is, I don't even like caramel mocha lattes, I don't even like coffee. I asked you on your first day of work what you recommended, and you pointed to this on the menu. Since then, I just let you make it for me every single time. You always put the most intricate designs in your coffee. Today, a panda bear, last weekend, a bunny because you said it reminds you of my smile.

Besides my lack of affinity for coffee, there are a lot of truths you don't know about me. You don't know that my favorite color is yellow when you think it's black. You don't know that my brother keeps asking if we're a couple because of how much I talk about you. You don't know that I pretended to be asleep this morning so I wouldn't make you uncomfortable before work. Do I make you uncomfortable now? Before last night, you didn't know my true feelings for you, do you know now?

I flitted my gaze away from my latte and onto you. You brush your slightly messy hair behind your ear before continuing your work. The way you become so focused on whatever you are doing makes me smile. You focus so much on your schoolwork and other people, when are you going to start focusing on yourself?

I can pinpoint the exact time and place I realized that I had a crush on you. It was fall of last year and you were dawning a huge green rain coat. You flashed me your world-famous bubbly smile that could make any person feel comfortable in your presence.

"Kookie let's do something fun today, I'm sick of studying." You pouted cutely and pulled at my arm towards your black Honda.

"Woah, you're not driving" I said and hopped in the driver's seat. You weren't a bad driver,  but you definitely weren't a good one. "Where do you want to go?"

"Let's go to the city, I could use a warmer coat" you shivered and proceeded to turn up the music from your passenger seat. It was my favorite song at the time, and you were singing along, quite badly. The way you danced in your seat and purposely screeched the high notes to make me laugh was the moment I started to catch my breath looking at you.

I never knew why I didn't notice you before. You were kind, consoling Jimin when him and Yoongi got into a fight about sharing food. You were spontaneous and adventurous, running off with Taehyung one morning to feed baby goats. You were funny, your puns worse than Jin's and able to make a whole room crack up with one goofy dance move. And you were smart, getting better grades than Namjoon. Four years of friendship and I only started noticing you a year ago. Why hadn't I noticed you before? Do you notice me at all?

"Jungkook"

I blink away from you to Lisa who's standing in front of me and picking up my plate. "Huh?"

"Stop drooling" She smirks "You look like hell, need another coffee?"

I forgot how blunt Lisa can be. I look past her to you who's smiling at the next customer "I didn't sleep much last night, yeah I guess I'll take another coffee."

Lisa shrugs it off and goes back behind the counter and my mind is fills with the thoughts of last night. The way we moved together and connected felt so right, like our lips were made for each other. The thought of our states makes the coffee Lisa sets down more bitter than usual. We were drunk. I could taste the vodka on both our lips and woke up to a terrible feeling of nausea in the pit of my stomach. Did I feel sick from the alcohol or what I did? This past year, all I've done is dream about kissing you, but this is not how I wanted it to happen. I wanted to take you out on a date, walk you home, kiss you before you go inside, and end the night there. What was I to you now? An almost one-night stand? A mistake? 

I look back to the coffee Lisa gives me. There an intricate tulip design in the middle that's been slightly ruined from my sips. If I continue sipping, the tulip will surely be ruined. If we continue what happened last night, will our friendship be ruined?

The bell of the coffee shop rings and jolts me out of my day dreaming. I see a tall handsome man with sleek silver hair walk in. Namjoon. We've been friends for years but right now the sight of him makes my stomach churn. I watch as he leans over the counter towards you with his charming smile.

"Hey cutie, where'd you run off to last night, you left so quickly." I hear him say. Cutie was what everyone called you, but right now the nickname doesn't feel right coming off his lips

"I have a name you know" I watch as you giggle towards him and get ready to take his order. "I wasn't feelings so good, so Jungkook walked me home. What can I get for you?" I stare at you, but I know you're avoiding eye contact.

"I'll take a black coffee, extra hot" He's tapping on the counter like he's nervous to say something. "Um, actually one more thing. Do you want to start studying for finals tomorrow? I know you probably are sick of coffee, but we can meet at the coffee shop by the library, my treat."

Is that supposed to be a date? I close my eyes and force myself to breath. They always study together, calm down.

"Sure, but you don't need to treat me silly!" you say cheerfully and hand Namjoon his coffee. "Be careful, its hot."

Namjoon walks over to me and I can't help but look him up and down. He's wearing a caramel petticoat over a cream sweater and thick glasses that make him look sexy rather than nerdy. Of course, Namjoon's a better fit! They're perfect for each other! How can I compete with his brains and looks?

"Hey Kook, mind if I join you?" He sits anyway and the action bothers me but I'm not sure why.

"No please sit. What brings you here? Just getting coffee or hoping you could grab a certain someone's attention." The last bit of my sentence comes out more bitterly than I intended.

Namjoon lifts his cup with a grin and winks at me "Well coffee isn't the only perk of this shop. Anyway, what are you working on?"

Namjoon's always been someone I look up to. But today, every trait I used to admire is slowly annoying me. His charisma, his wit, his brains. "Just some sketches for my final project."

"Oh...that's cool" He takes big sip of coffee. "You should see the app I'm trying to build, maybe you can sketch some stuff for it, I'll give you commission if it goes anywhere."

I hated talking school work with Namjoon. I always felt looked down on for choosing graphic design while my other friends chose more 'practical' career paths.

"No, it's ok, I need to focus on my project anyway." The conversation was turning awkward quickly and a shift in subject needed to happen fast. "Um, Namjoon?"

"Hmm?"

"Want to go to the gym with me and Jimin later?" Why I invited him to the gym? Anything to get him away from you.... okay maybe I was becoming a bit too possessive. 

"Yeah buddy, I have to go study now, but text me later." He nods to me with a polite smile and leaves, waving to you before departing.

I look back at the sketches I completed for the day. Fuck, they're all lattes, how am I supposed to be successful like Namjoon with latte drawings? I flip through my old sketches. There's a Honda with music notes protruding from it, an action drawing of Hoseok and Jimin dancing, Jin focused on his videogames, and a portrait of you, smiling widely with your eyes closed.

"Kook"

I jump and quickly close the sketch book.

"Y-yes?"

"I'm on my break, do you want to talk now?"

"No, you only have a 5-minute break, let's wait until your off" I can tell I'm making you nervous. No, this will not be a quick 5-minute conversation like I know you want it to be. You pout and go back behind the counter and back to work. You never took your break when you worked and it wasn't surprising to see you attending other customers already.

I let my head rest in my arms and drop my elbows to the coffee table in front of me. Patience was a virtue...one that I didn't have. After everything that happened there's only one thing that keeps gnawing me with anxiety: do I make you uncomfortable?