𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐚𝐦𝐞 | 𝐅𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞

Chapter 13

Millie

I stay in bed most of the next day. Andy asks me what's wrong a million times, but I tell her nothing. I don't even know how to explain it if I wanted to. Which I don't. Not to her. Not to Finn, which is why I regret what I said to him, or even to myself. I was with Jacob  for two years and he never saw that side of me. Never saw me lose it. Never knew how I felt about anything. I got good at the game, but somehow let my guard down with Finn. I hate it.

I want to forget. That's all. Things are never what they seem to be anyway. The past ten years of my life have been a farce that I let control me too much. Just like my relationship with Jacob had been a farce. I'm not making the same mistakes again. My eyes sting because I can't sleep. I've never really loved the dark, but now I hate it more. Was it dark for her? Did she die right away? Did—stop! I face the mirror and finish putting on my eyeliner

"How are you? Anything new with boyfriend number two?" Andy asks. At least it's better than her questions all Saturday and Sunday.

I make myself smile because it's one of the things I can control. There are so few of them out there I plan to cling to the ones I can. "No, Finn and I broke up."

"That's too bad. He's hot. Way hotter than the other guy."

My skin suddenly tingles remembering his hands on me—his mouth. My toes curl in my sandals, but I straighten them out. He snoozed, and now he'll lose.

"Eh, he's okay."

Andy laughs. "And you're straight up lying. You know that man is better than okay."

"You should date him, if you like him so much."

"I'm spoken for, remember?"

Yeah, I do. I don't know why I said that. I turn to face her. "What's going on this weekend? Do you know?"

Andy shrugs. "I know about an off-campus party. We're planning on hitting it up. You're welcome to come if you want." She pulls off her shirt and pulls on another tee.

"Yeah, that sounds good. I need a good time." Something churns in my stomach, but I ignore it the same way I tell Aunt Lily I'm fine every time she calls.

"Nice." Andy picks up her bag and opens the door. She walks partway out, but then turns to face me.

"You sure you're okay? You're all smiley, but...you've been tossing and turning the last two nights. When you do sleep...you cry."

I drop the eyeliner I forgot was in my hand. My insides tremble. My heart cracks, but I push myself into another smile. "It's fine. I got in a fight with my aunt, but everything's better now."

So now I know there are two places I can't hide: when I'm sleeping or when I'm with Finn.

•••

The next two days pass in a fog. I laugh where I should and talk where I should. I even smile too, but none of it feels real. Lily calls so much I start to ignore her.

"Hello, Mills," Jacob says as we walk out of class.

"Hi."

He squints. "Wow. I didn't think you'd be so normal when I spoke to you."

I shrug. "I'm over it." Looking at him, I wonder why I let him get under my skin so much. Why us breaking up or him screwing Red had such a huge effect on me. I wasn't dead in the woods. All I did was lose a boyfriend.

Smiling at him, I try to keep walking.

"Wait," he steps in front of me.

"I have to go. I don't want to be late for class."