𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐚𝐦𝐞 | 𝐅𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞

Chapter 24

Finn

I've never really felt like an upstanding guy. Especially when I'm taking money from someone and giving them drugs, but I feel even more like shit after my talk with Mills.

I try not to think about it as I make the guy drive me back home. One of the people I was supposed to meet didn't show. I should have taken my own fucking car. I don't know why I even rode with Millie to the coffee house.

Without going in the house, I stuff the extra baggie in my trunk. I jump in my piece-of-shit and head to my mom's. It wasn't planned to go over there, but I need to see her.

"Hey. I didn't expect to see you today." She gives me a weak smile as I walk in.

"I couldn't stay away." I give her a kiss and then sit on the arm of the couch. "How you doing today?"

It's dark purple under her eyes and her lips are cracked from being so chapped.

"I'm good. How are you?"

Instead of answering her I say, "You look dehydrated. Are you drinking enough?" I get up to go into the kitchen, but her sigh stops me.

"It's hard to hold it down."

My heart seizes. "Water?"

"Yeah...It's been a couple hours since I tried some. Maybe a few sips."

She's only doing it for me. I hope like hell it doesn't make her sick because I know she needs it.

I head to the kitchen and get her a small glass of ice water and then another cup filled with only ice.

"Do you want to suck on an ice cube instead?" It's probably a stupid fucking thing to ask, but it makes sense to me.

"Yeah, that might help." She reaches a shaky hand toward me and I try not to flinch. "Maggie had me do that earlier."

That's good. Maybe it's not so stupid then.

She sucks on the ice cube for a few minutes and we're silent. I can't stop myself from watching her even though it's actually the last place my eyes want to be. Seeing her like that makes me want to empty everything in my stomach. Makes my chest fucking ache like someone's embedded a knife there and won't stop twisting it.

"I think I need to lie down. Do you want to go and talk to me in there?"

I nod, her words shoving the knife deeper.

Once I lift her frail body into the bed, I sit next to her. She grabs my hand and it's so small. So thin I feel like I might break it if I tighten my grip. I want to spend as much time with her as I can, but I almost feel guilty too. Like I wear her out. It's hard to always see her in bed or put her there.

"What are you really doing here today, Finnie?" She rolls to her side and looks up at me. She looks tired. So fucking tired.

"What? I can't come see you whenever I want? I'm here almost every day."

She gives me a look that says I should have the answer to that question. "I'm your mama. I know all." Another small smile. "Your eyes are a million miles away. What's going on in that head of yours?"

Christ, I know it makes me sound like a pussy, but all I can wonder is how the hell I'm supposed to get by without her. What the purpose is to keep going if people as good as her have such a shitty life. The only thing she has to count for it is me and how sad is that? I'm in college, though I hate it. It's my third year and I'm still taking gen-ed classes, not sure what to even do. I'm a drug dealer, drink too much, have a bad mouth and am screwing a girl who just lost her mom, while trying to pretend I'm doing it for her when it's really just because she feels so damn good.