My life.

10. Attitude

Present:
Usually- In my opinion- my chapters have an organised structure, everything separated into little bits... But I can't be bothered anymore, the thought of it makes me feel uncomfortable so I'm just gonna say that the next chapters may be scruffy and confusing.
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Past:
We zoom now to 2014. Yup this year. There have been some problems that I haven't spoken of such as my fathers most recent girlfriend named (A/N CHANGING THE NAME) Melissa who is 23, keep in mind my dad is now 37....

I've missed out bits about the fact that I self harmed. Yes, I slit my wrists. No, it didn't help. But you know what! For those couple of seconds when the blade sliced my skin and the blood trickled and I feel numb. Like everything is okay. Nothing can hurt me because I'm numb.it made me feel content.
My father hadn't seen us in a month because of 'work', which was always his excuse.

One my mom find out after a week of it happening she decided to call my father and he decided it was time to come over. If you don't know me, you should know that I don't have the greatest attitude due to my anger issues and I just didn't want to deal with his shit.
So he came round with gifts from.... I can't remember... He always goes on holiday with his girlfriends and then says he has no money to see us (cue eye roll) but anyway...

He's come back from his holiday with gifts. He knocks on the door and my mom goes upstairs to give us some privacy while I open the door and let him in without saying a word. My father gave my sister a hug and a kiss before turning to me. As he hugged me I kept my arms stiffly to my sides as he awkwardly embraced me, then I ducked when he came in for kiss swiftly diving under his arm and sitting on the sofa.
"I brought gifts!" He exclaimed with a wide smile, which soon wavered once he saw my bored expression. He sat on the edge of the sofa and handed us our presents.
As much as I wanted to burn the gifts he had bought us with his guilt money, I did the mature thing and placed them on the coffee table.

My father, once again with a wide smile, faced me and stared at me expectantly.
"Well?..." He asked.
"What?" I spat. He looked at me nervously.
"Aren't you going to open your present?" I scoffed rolling my eyes.
"I don't really feel like opening presents right now" I wondered if he'd forgotten the entire reason why he was here. He looked to floor scratching the back of his neck while under my glare.
"Un, Alicia... Why don't you go upstairs my love" he whispered. My sister nodded and hastily made her way upstairs as my father cautiously sat on the sofa as far away from me as possible.
"So..." He began as I rolled my eyes. ( yes I do that a lot)
"What's wrong?"
"You tell me" I replied quickly.
After a short pause he finally plucked up the courage to ask me what he was obviously thinking.
"Why did you do it?" I smirked.
"Because I want to," I replied
"My body My choice right?" My blunt answer shocked him a bit.
"But..." He paused.
"There has to be a reason."
"Oh, there is"
"And what is it?" I laughed darkly, he was clueless.
"You."

"M-Me?!" He stuttered.
"Yup"
"Well, what can I do to change?"
"I dunno, you've been my dad for 14 years. You should know!" He made an 'oh' face and looked deep in thought. I sighed.
"I guess you could call us at least once a week..." He smiled.
"Okay... Yeah! Call you once a week! I can do that!" He exclaimed.
"It's not rocket science dipshit" I muttered under my breath.
"What?" I thought of an excuse.
"Presents!" At the sound of that my little sister ran downstairs and grabbed her gift ripping the wrapper up like a rabid dog.

Under all the wrapping was a small black leather box with the contents of fake diamond earrings and a fake diamond neckless. Once my sister discovered this she gasped.
"It's so pretty!" She squealed. As much as I love my little sister, she has always been a daddy's girl.
While placing the neckless around her neck my father glanced at me.
"It's your go" he smiled as I inwardly groaned.
"Great..." I mumbled as I reached for the small package.

My mouth widened as I slowly unwrapped the paper. Inside was a neckless with the Christian cross and Jesus hanging from it (like always) along with 2 bracelets, one brown and one black made up of small rectangles with pictures of Jesus performing some of his many miracles or just standing there looking holy. I looked between my father and the gifts in disbelief. He can't be serious...
"So..." He dragged.
"What do you think?" I scoffed once again shaking my head, it was a habit, while my sister began to laugh hysterically.
"What?" He questioned.
"She's not a Christian..." My sister stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Well it doesn't matter that your an atheist you can still-"
"No!" I muttered angrily.
"I'm a Buddhist" I growled through my gritted teeth. He sighed exasperatedly as he flapped his arms once.
"Well how was I supposed to know"
"Your my dad!" I screeched
"Your meant to know these things?!?"
"I-"
"Whatever" I interrupted.
Once he saw that I was just going to block him out he got up, kissed my sister and let himself out.

Dickhead.