Golden Sun ( Johnny x Ponyboy )

Chapter 5// Cold

*opens door* hey uh- anyone here? I'm home... *milk jug in hand*

*starved fans waiting for an update for like 2 years*  f e e d    m e.

....yikes... *closes door* 

just kidding I'm here for a little bit if you guys wanna read the highschool version of this fic because I'm a waaaaaayyyy better writer now hehe.

His arms around me seemed to slip away in a moment of guilt. I forced the butterflies to stop beating around in my stomach. I felt like I was a rigid statue. Johnny finally let go of me and I stepped away, my right arm instinctively reached out to grab my left wrist, squeezing it tightly. 

"Ponyboy." 

I didn't want to respond. We had been through a lot together. Yet that fire made me rethink a lot of things. If I had just been more careful, Johnny would've been fine. What if he had died in that fire? What if he had died in a hospital bed instead? If I had just been more careful, played my cards right none of this would've happened. And- I bet I wouldn't feel this way about him. 

"Ponyboy." 

My grip tightened on my left wrist, clutching it and holding it like a lifeline. My clothes were soaked in rain and I felt like shit. Why does he even bother with someone like me? I'm just a worthless deadweight. A waste of space.  I'm not worth all of the effort he has put into me. 

He deserves so much better than I could ever give him. I don't even know why I've been feeling this way. Whenever I think of him my heart hammers in my chest. Memories of him bleaching and cutting my hair, the way he held me when it was cold at night. It sends off fireworks in my stomach, a euphoria in my head, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. All of those numb and dark feelings I have everyday go away when he's around. 

It reminds me of those cheesy love stories that you see on TV or read in books. But this isn't supposed to happen between two guys. It's wrong. That's why I have to push these disgusting feelings away. He doesn't deserve to have to put up with me. 

A worthless, disgusting, person. 

"Ponyboy!"

Johnny's hands were warm on my shivering shoulders. I felt sick, and gross. My wet shirt sticking to my skin like freezing honey. 

"Why don't you just talk to me?" Johnnys voice was soft and concerned. My heart thumped so loud in my chest I was sure he could hear it as well. It hammered against my rib cage begging for freedom. I didn't allow it, I grabbed onto the soaking fabric on my chest for solace. 

"Y-you don't have to worry about s-someone like me." I tried to keep my voice from shaking as I spoke. I didn't want him to feel the way I shivered from the cold and my own fear. I didn't want him to notice the way my heart picks up and slams into my body whenever he touches me. I couldn't let him notice the way my eyes would be drawn to his perfect figure everytime he was near. Chocolate carmel skin that shined in orange sunrises, perfect cocoa brown eyes that entranced me whenever he looked my way. I liked everything about him, which is why he needed to stay far, far away from me. 

"But I do worry about you, you're my friend! You're important to me." 

The word friend strung a low note in my chest. It should've made me feel happy, but instead it made me feel even more empty than I already was. 

"Well maybe you shouldn't!" I pushed him off of me. I didn't want to feel his touch anymore, or even look at him. I hated the heat of his gaze on me.

I started to walk back home, I didn't to be there and I'm sure there was more of a mess to pick up at home with my window. I couldn't let Sodapop deal with that all by himself. 

Johnny didn't put up a fight with me heading back. Although, it was painfully cold as I walked away. 

Once I did get to my room and flop on my bed, I laid like that until my eyes got too heavy and my thoughts finally drifted off enough to let me sleep. 

........................................................................

aa this is a shorter chapter than I actually write. Usually I average like 2000 words per chapter on my new fics so I feel bad about leaving this around 700. I don't really have a plan for this fic so I'll be making it up as I go- hope you don't mind hehe.