Autumn • Complete

Social

"Autumn, welcome!" My counsellor greets me as I enter the room of about seven teenagers sat in a circle of chairs. I sit at one of the empty ones as my counsellor introduces everyone. A tall girl with glasses goes first.

"My name is Jade, and I have schizophrenia. I almost jumped off a bridge last fall," she puts it all out there all at once, as does everyone else.

Then we get to Fabian

"My name is Fabian, and I have been diagnosed with depression. I was also mute for two years." that's all he says, and then my counsellor turns to me.

"What about you, Autumn?" He smiles kindly at me, and I take a deep breath.

"My name is Autumn, and I don't have a condition, but I attempted suicide last year. I died for ten minutes, but they brought me back. I do not regret what I did." Fabian looks up at me when I say that I do not regret it, and I see him nod slightly and give me a small smile.

The rest of social counselling goes okay. We talk about how we have been coping, and talk a little more about our 'conditions' .

My counsellor tell us same place and time next week, and I'm the first to leave. I decide to walk home, instead of take a taxi, an it's only ten minutes walk away.

I'm about to start walking when someone shouts my name. I turn. Fabian.

"Um, hi, Fabian. Did you want something?"

"Yeah. I just wanted to say, I agree with you when you said you don't regret it. " he's nervous, I can tell through the way his checks are flaming up and his eyes are shiny.

"Oh, okay."

There's an awkward silence, and then we head off in our opposite directions, mumbling embarrassed goodbyes. That's the first human contact I've properly had with someone my age since the accident.

---

"Autumn?" I look up at my Dad from where I'm sat at the breakfast bar, drinking coffee.

"Please don't be mad, but...I have to send you to school." It takes me a while to register his words.

"But-but-" my words merge together with a stutter, so I just stop talking. When I clear my mind I think it over. It can't be that bad, right? I'll make friends, do my work....it'll be okay.

"Fine. When do I start?" My voice comes out more firmly than I thought it would, and I take my mug over to the sink.

"Tomorrow. I've organised for someone to give you a lift." Oh, fabulous, a free ride. I would rather walk than have an awkward conversation in a car with some stranger.

"His name is Fabian, and he's one of the boys from your Social Counselling." Oh, Fabian. It will only be a little bit awkward then.

"Okay," with that abrupt word I leave the room and go to my bedroom, turning up my music and plugging in my headphones. I curl up on my bed, and drift off slowly.

---

Red. Everywhere. Hot, molten lava lapping around my feet. Tied to a post, being burnt like a witch. Flames coming higher, over my knees. Distinct figures through the smoke, laughing and calling me names. Fabian is one of them, and a bunch of blonde girls. Flames lapping higher, lava trying to get at my face. I flinch and pull away, but I am restrained by the post, the flames cover my face, and I choke out a scream.

---

My eyes fly open, an I tell myself it was just a dream. I'm plastered with cold sweat, my hair stuck to my forehead. My alarm clock says 4am, do I go and get a glass of cool water to calm my heart.

I take a long shower, and change into grey jeans and a white sweater. On my feet go white vans, my hair into a high ponytail.

Fabian shows up at 8am, and I get into his truck without saying goodbye to Dad.

Today is going to be so long.

I hate school

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