Autumn • Complete

In Between

I'm somewhere between life and death, I think. I flicker in and out of consciousness, and voices flicker around me. I can see images: a hospital bed, Dad, Christian and Fabian. My mother? It feels like hell. If only I'd pushed deep enough, although now I feel pretty stupid. I mean, I've got Fabian, and Christian, and possibly even Camille. Probably not Camille. And why would my mother come all the way here, when she knows I hate her more than I hate myself...

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"She's waking up!" My eyelashes flutter and I open them, glancing around at Dad, Fabian and Christian. Where did my mother go?

"Mum?" I croak, and feel pressure on my hand. Christian has put his hand over mine. How is he so warm? Am I cold or something?

"I called her," Dad says sheepishly. "But she said she couldn't come down, because she was busy. Sorry, honey," I knew I shouldn't have believed she come down to see me. If I'd died she probably wouldn't have came to the damn funeral. She would've skyped.

Fabian and Christian leave the room, giving Dad and I some space. After a while he fills the silence.

"I'm going to forgive you for this, and we're never going to speak about it again, although you're still going to Social and One-on-one counselling. Understand?" I nod, and sit up as he pulls my in for a hug.

"My poor baby," have whispers into my hair. He stands back up.

"They're discharging you tommorow, and you're going back to school Monday."

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Monday morning, I wake up kind of looking forward to going to school. I shower and change into high waisted jeans and red jumper, ready for the festive season. I even have  a muffin before Fabian arrives to pick me up.

"Hey you," he gets out of the car to greet me, and I shock him by unexpectedly wrapping my arms around his neck.

"What was that for?" He laughs loudly as we head for his truck. Inside it smells like firewood and honey. I love it.

"Oh, just because!" I laugh with him, and he turns on the radio.

The school is buzzing. Apparently someone had attempted suicide, but nobody knew who it was. Its kind of okay now, and I don't feel as depressed. Its a nice feeling. Before we get to homeroom I pull out my phone.

To: Christian

Want to grab dinner 2nite? On me x

He rather quickly replies back.

From: Christian

Sure, why not xx

I'm pretty sure I'll be able to handle it.

---

"What would you like?" This time we have an extremely friendly waitress called Miala, who doesn't spend the whole time flirting with Christian.

"I'll have a cheeseburger and a cola," I smile at her, and Christian orders exactly the same. The burger is delicious, and its the nicest thing I've eaten for weeks. I'm about to pay when Christian gets there before me, the idiot. He could've saved himself twelve pounds and ninety two pence. Oh well, it just means I save it instead.

Instead of riding straight back to my place Christian drives us to a tranquil light display. We're admiring the lights on the sweet little wood gazebo, when he pulls me in and kisses me sweetly full on the lips. I know its cliché, but I'm pretty sure I can see fireworks.

Who am I kidding? Its all lies. Its always lies. I hate this. This isn't real, proper. I can't do it. I have to fake it.

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