What is Needed But Unexpected

making a connection

"Kat, can we talk a second?" 

Jane called from the kitchen some time after Edward had went to bed. She wasn't sure about this but everyone encouraged the idea of just out right asking so here she was, feeling the familiar sense of panic rise into the pit of her stomach as she sat in the kitchen, waiting on the teenager to respond.

"Of course, what's up?" Katherine replied as she walked in and took a seat, expression turning worried quickly after "did I do something wrong?" 

"No, nothing like that. We just haven't talked in awhile is all." 

Jane replied, watching as Katherine visibly relaxed.

"Yeah...Sorry. I just…" Katherine trailed off, shifting nervously.

Jane sighed as she reached over, taking the girl's hand before asking 

"Something is bothering you love, please talk to me. You used to tell me all sorts of things before." 

_____★____

Katherine closed her eyes, her heart suddenly pounding in her ears at the gentle request. She could trust Anne but could she trust Jane? She wanted to, more than anything because it hurt to just think that the woman would grow distant if she told her the truth.

She was so sick of lying to everyone, of acting like she wasn't torturing herself when all she really wanted to do was to at least remain close to the women she had grown to love, but would Jane understand? What if she didn't?

She felt the familiar tightness begin in her chest at that thought and tightened her grip on Jane's hand.

"I can't. It's stupid and selfish and...impossible." 

The word echoed in her mind. It was what she had been told when she had made the mistake of comparing someone to being like a mother to her before. It was impossible to bring her mother back and she no longer had one. 

"Nothing that makes you this upset is stupid, love. Now why don't you try me?" 

Jane sounded so sincere and she prayed that this time it really was different, that this time it didn't end with her being hurt. That this time, perhaps there really was no fine print to the kindness.

"It just hurts...Seeing everyone...have the family I wished I had." 

She confessed and she could feel bile rise into her throat. She didn't dare tell the complete truth and her heart sank when she felt the hand leave hers. she was sure that Jane was about to berate her for being heartless and thinking only of herself, however a moment later she felt herself being pulled into a hug instead.

"Oh sweetheart. You do have a family, no matter what."

That's when all the feelings she had been holding came pouring out in messy sobs as she leaned against the older queen. Perhaps—just for the moment—she could pretend, pretend to belong to someone...to Jane.

It was childish and just wishful thinking but in moments like this, she really did wish that in one form or another that she had a mother in Jane.