Twin's downfall

~ 35 ~

Chanyeol's pov

When I woke up Chanhyun was still in my arms whimpering in his sleep as tears eacaped his eyes, he gripped me harder and dug his face into my chest. I didn't mind it at all and hugged him close for security, in hope it'd clear his nightmare that was clearly bothering him a lot.

I haven't seen Chanhyun sleep without being restless since things started to turn for the worst in his day to day life and it saddens me that things turned out this way. It makes me feel like the worst brother to ever breath when I remember the parts I played when he really needed me. I wasn't there, I let him face the police by himself I should have pushed harder to be with him.

I should have helped him, I should have never let him date anyone or fucked him more than he wanted. I should have respected him or at least treated him humanly, but instead I used him for my own pleasures.

"Mhm.. Yeollie~" I felt Chanhyun shifting in my arms as he slowly sat up and yawned like the cute baby he was. "Yeollie" he turned to me with the most innocent eyes "thank you for sleeping next to me and hugging me" he smiled like it was the best thing in the world. It meant so much to him. That's smile...his smile was pure gold.

"You're welcome Hyunnie" I gave him the warmest bear back hug, feeling his tears plop on to my hands causing me to look up and find him crying again. "Chanhyun?" He shook his head, "nothing, nothing is wrong Yeollie" he tried to get me to believe him, but I saw right through his fake forced smile as his tears begun to fall heavier.

I think Chanhyun is having an actual break down. I've never seen him cry like this before.

"It's okay Hyun, it's okay to not feel okay. It's okay to be broken sometimes and feel like you can't be fixed, but you can. I can put you back together again and we can be happy brothers or lovers." Chanhyun went silent but his tears didn't stop for a moment.

All I could do is hold him and attempt to calm him down. One thing I had to except now is that my brother may never be the same as before. He can never be that Chanhyun from those many months ago. That Chanhyun has died and it's never going to be the same.

This current Chanhyun is trying to heal, but that proves to be a harder task than anticipated. To heal all the inner wounds proves to be the most painful. 

It's even harder to watch knowing you can't really help them with the pain their dealing with.

You're just left to sit idly for moral support; I have to wait beside my brother until he reattaches himself to the here and now.

He has to choose to heal, to move on and live on.