You don't have to figure things out. You don't have to know everything. Most especially, you don't have to know the hows in life because you won't really know how. Even though life handed hand outs of specific procedure on how to properly cook egg, make coffee taste not too sweet, not too bitter but just enough, there are still no hand outs that'll tell you how to properly move on from everything that's been holding you back. There are no print out ads posted on street corners inviting you to seminars that teaches how to fix a broken heart. Because honey, no one really knows how to fix everything. You'll only know a thing or two but it won't always be the things you wanted to know. You might find thousands of answers on the internet on how to truly be happy but those won't always be the exact answers you are looking for. You will keep on searching and searching, thinking every song describes what you're feeling but deep down you know it isn't the perfect metaphor. You won't always fit in the lyrics of the sad and broken. You are a different kind of mess. You are what you are now but you won't always be in this moment. You will get a hold of yourself and eventually get out of here.
It's perfectly fine if you don't know how. You really don't have to. Not everyone must. Stop looking for answers in places that doesn't fit you perfectly. Don't let yourself be destroyed over and over. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt and let yourself start over. Cry as much as you like. Be sad when you must and stay there for as long as you want but know when to get out. Because sometimes you have to feel everything all at once in order to know when to get back up.
There are millions of reasons to push forward. You don't have to depend on others to answer all the whys because deep down you know why. You know why you are in so much pain. You know why he left. You know why you are in this mess. You know why you keep neglecting the answers you already knew. The truth can hurt you so bad but that's the purpose of it's existence. Without the truth no one will slap you hard enough just so you would be brave enough to bring yourself to reality. You may not yet know how but that's whole idea of life, to know why you are here and where you want to be.
