annihilated. /mcr fanfic (pt. 2 of resurrected, completed)

chapter six

I was dead. max told me I was really dead this time.

we were in a waiting room. that's what he called it, anyway. it looked like one, too.

the walls were gray, the floor was tiled with white linoleum. when I walked in, he patted the chair next to him. he was sitting in one of ten or so white cushioned chairs. there was a painting on the wall of the philadelphia skyline. my lungs felt heavy, like sacs filled with water. it was hard to fit any air in there.

"hey," I said quietly as I walked over to him. he smiled at me. his head was shaved. he was wearing one of his typical outfits; a pair of loose-fitting jeans and a black sweatshirt. his hair was starting to grow back.

"I missed you," he said as he hugged me tightly.

"I missed you, too," I smiled. I could smell him. he had this perfect personal fragrance of clean skin and a hint of residual bonfire. when I pulled away, I took a long look at him, and he looked at me for a while, too.

"I like the hair cut," he said.

"thanks. am I really dead?"

he nodded. "yeah. we're in the waiting room. they let me come and sit with you."

"who's they?"

he shrugged. "I don't know."

I sat back in the chair and tried to take a deep breath, but it hurt really bad. I coughed and spat out some water onto my shirt.

"how'd you do it? the river?" he asked, rubbing my back with one hand.

I nodded. "it hurts."

he kissed my cheek. "I know, Annie. it doesn't hurt forever."

I started to cry. he cried with me there, in the dimming light of the waiting room.

I looked up and rubbed my eyes. "is it getting darker in here?"

he looked around, then started crying even more. "oh no, Annie," he sobbed. "it's not your time yet. you have to go back."

"what? no, I don't want to!" I cried, and started coughing real hard. It hurt so much, I thought one of my lungs were going to hop out of my throat with all of the heaving.

"I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do. you have to go back," he whimpered, then kissed me hard. "I love you. you have to go back."

I shook my head and wrapped my arms around him as tightly as I could, still coughing. the light was getting dimmer and dimmer.

"you have to keep going," he said into my ear. "breathe."

I shook my head and held my breath, hoping this would keep me here with him.

"breathe!" he shouted into my ear, startling me. "breathe!"

water spewed from my throat and I coughed hard and desperately. my lungs were struggling to keep breathing despite all of this. my eyes were stinging, squeezed shut. people were shouting around me. when I opened my eyes, it was mostly dark. there were a few people here and there. two people were kneeling next to me, one of them was wearing scrubs. she watched me carefully, and next to her knelt a man who was completely soaked and shivering. I squeezed my eyes shut as my lungs fought to clear themselves of water. I coughed and gagged and spat out plenty of water. I heaved again and again as the lady wearing scrubs rubbed my back and propped me upright.

"you're okay," I could hear her say as the coughing fits began to slow down. I could hear the siren of an ambulance approaching. when I opened my eyes, I looked up at the lady holding me. she had to be only a little older than me, perhaps about Andy's age. the man knelt beside her was young as well. he looked to be pretty athletic. I imagined him as a public pool lifeguard, sitting and waiting all of the time to ready himself for a moment like this. now that it happened, though, he sits there freezing cold, dripping wet, looking totally shaken. lights and sirens were approaching closer and closer now.

"thank you," I said quietly to the two of them. it took a lot of effort. I was mostly attempting to not vomit. "but I wanted to die."

the woman looked over her shoulder at the man and he burst into tears. she cried a bit as well, but she held it together. she nodded and said, "I understand. I tried once too."

she turned her wrist up at me so I could see the deep, long scar running from the front fold of her elbow, to the area where her wrist runs into her palm. it looked as if it had spent years fading by now. "but now I know it was worth it, to get up and keep going," and when she turned her arm again, I could see a ring on her finger. she then took the side of my face in her hand and bent her face down to look directly into my eyes with her bright blue eyes. "I promise you, it's worth it."

I shook my head and cried. she held me until the paramedics came and took me from her arms.

they loaded me into an ambulance with a stretcher. a young man slipped an oxygen mask over my nose and mouth. I put my hand over it and tried to lift it off my face.

"no, you need to keep this on," he said, taking my hand and putting it back down at my side.

I shook my head and reached for it again. I was so tired, I just wanted to let go. but I didn't want to be tethered to this life. I was so close. I was so fucking close.

"ma'am, please leave it alone, you need to keep it on," he said again, then took the hand that I was using to attempt to remove the mask. he held it in his hand and said, "I'm right here."