Enduring [EDITING SLOWLY].

Chapter 17

I had to leave the next day. Back to university. I packed my stuff, got ready and went downstairs. No one was there yet. Well, more time for me. I started searching for cereal in the shelves. I couldn't find it. So I searched the fridge, most of the things are kept in the fridge anyway. I found it in the fridge. I realized that music was what was missing right now. I got my phone, plugged on my earphones and pressed play. 'Demons' by Imagine Dragons started playing. I love that song. I poured my cereal into a bowl with some milk and sugar and sat down on the table to eat. I was almost done eating when everybody came downstairs groaning (No innuendo intended - if you know what I mean..).
"Emily, you need to stop singing. You're horrible at it." Lily said. "Sorry.. Didn't realize I'd wake you guys up." I said. I was so not sorry. I loved my music. I saw the time. There were still 2 hours left. I could watch a Harry Potter movie by then. So I decided I'd do that. I went to my room, took the cd and played it on my laptop. I was watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince for thousandth time. I knew all the dialogues by heart. I loved that Ginny/Harry & Hermione/Ron were getting together. I hated the fact that Dumbledore is killed by Snape. Snape of all people. But that's clarified in the last movie. How many times have I mentioned that I love a Harry Potter books and the movies? Though, the movies are nowhere as good the books. Another book I love is "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky. It made me think about the different kinds of people there are and how they're treated. It made me think of myself. How different would life be if I'd never met my friends. If I was always the girl people would walk over. If I'd never had the courage to stand up to myself and do what's right.  And i would do it. I would lead my life as before. I would be awesome. I'm going to lead my life normally because I know that I'm better off without Edwards. 

I don’t exactly do crushes. I kinda knew that in the end, it would be my heart in trash. I decided to risk it and break the walls with Dan. ­

It may sound dumb but I’ve hurt so many people. I’ve created a lot of problems and it’s a great thing that I’m still living here. I’m only living right now because of y mother. I know she needs me and she’s the cause for my existence. Oh, and Faye and Pauline. Otherwise I’d be dead long ago. I say that to Faye and she just calls it dumb. I know she doesn’t mean it. It’s just that she doesn’t understand that I don’t have a reason for living, I’d only be existing if it wasn’t for her. There’s a difference between living and existing. And after Dan, its like I almost lost it – the reason for living.

I knew a lot about depression – I’d read enough novels and watched enough movies to know that it took a lot of courage to cut oneself and I had to control the urge to do so. It was almost like a part of myself had died. I had to control the urge to hurt myself because I knew I had a family to take care of. Yes, this was how my family was. My father provided whatever was there now. He was rich not me so I had to find a part time job, earn and stand on my own legs. I was still on the process of finding myself a proper job.

I knew enough from experience that fantasies never came true. No one can ever live upto your expectations – so live with it. As cheesy as this sounds, cherish what you have before it becomes something you ‘had’.