Two sides of falling (Short Story)

His (5)

I did my best to cover up all the pain I caused her. Seeing her again is my second chance, my second chance to mend her broken heart and my second chance to open my way back to her heart.

I tried my best to show her that hindi na ako yung gagong lalaki na nanakit sa kanya dati. Na karapat-dapat na ako kung sakaling mahalin niya ulit ako. I know she had the clue, I have no doubts that she knew what I'm trying to show. But of course, she acted normal, she acted like she don't know anything or maybe, this idea hurts a lot, but maybe, just maybe. . . she doesn't really care.

Yes, I tried really hard, but I guess my best is not enough to cover up the scars. Or maybe talagang naghilom na ang mga sugat na idinulot ko sa kanya at sadyang wala na akong lugar sa puso niya. I deserve this, I deserve to be out of her life.

But I didn't give up. I may have this feeling that she had totally moved on but but i'm keeping my hopes up. Siguro naiirita na siya sakin but I didn't care. I just want to be with her as much as possible. Yeah, I became like her past self and somehow, she became like me, in a gentler manner of course. Because of the pain she caused me unintentionally, naalala ko lahat ng ginawa ko sa kanya dati.

Ang sakit pala mabalewa ang lahat ng nararamdaman mo. To think na di hamak na mas masakit yung ginawa ko sa kanya ng maraming beses. She hurt me because she doesn't know, or maybe she knows but doesn't really care. While me on the other hand, hated her because she liked me, almost cursed her because she annoys me, pushed her hard because I don't like her. All the lame reasons in the world made me lose someone I am now thriving to have and dying to lose.

She was holding tight when she was falling, and I was such a douche to let go and let her fall. She fell, almost died, but she survived. While I was alive, lived stupid as ever, then tried to hold her back when she finally chose to let go.

Because of that, I started seeing love in her perspective. I knew what hurt her and I am giving a hundred percent of my efforts to show that somehow, I deserve her.

Now, I am ready to catch her but it seems that everything for me is a little bit too late. She was already back on her feet while my knees are on the ground, begging for her to love me back. Hindi pala lahat ng pinapakawalan mo, mananatili kung saan mo iniwan hanggang sa pagbabalik mo. Karaniwan kasi, lahat ng iniiwan ay nakakatayo ulit sa kanilang mga paa at ikaw nalang ang maiiwan mag-isa.

But of course, you have no one to blame. It was ALL your fault. You've let the best go to look for something better, and when you realized you were stupid enough, you traced your way back and found the one you've been looking for with no tears in her eyes but a smile in her lips. She found everything while you were left with nothing.

Almost losing the little chance that I've kept in my heart, when I finally told her I'm inlove with her,

her smile made my hopes high but her simple sorry explained everything to me. Her sorry made me realize the f*cking truth that I already lost everything when I first chose to let her go.