He don't matter to me anymore. . .
Or so I thought.
Ngayong nandito na siya sa harap ko, hindi ko na naman alam ang gagawin ko. Should I smile? Or should I just turn around? Gosh, hindi ko alam na ganito pala 'to kahirap.
Okay fine, sabi ko nakamove-on na ako pero curse this, I don't even know why my whole being is shaking. Siguro dahil sa matagal na kaming di nagkita, or baka dahil may feelings pa ako sa kanya. Whatever the reason is, I am not really sure. Parang lahat ng pinraktis kong gawin sa oras na magkita ulit kami ay nawala na parang bula. Dear, I hate mental block. Ugh.
All my thoughts went blank when he smiled at me. Yes, he freaking smiled at me. Hindi yung irap na madalas niyang ipakita sa tuwing nakikita niya ko. Now, please tell me what to do.
Having no more choice, I smiled back. A smile that I used to show to him before but he never appreciated. C'mon, hindi naman ako bitter. I just can't turn my back at him, that would be rude. Parang gagayahin ko lang yung trato niya sakin dati.(That's not sarcasm, I swear.) I need this to assess my feelings. I need this to completely move on. I can do this. This will be easy. I think.
Then he approached me as if matagal na kaming magkaibigan. Nilapitan niya ako as if ni minsan ay hindi niya ko kinamuhian. I acted normal, of course. I am nervous but I am a complete grown up, I tell you. I don't care kung kaplastikan lang 'tong pinapakita niya pero after 3 years of not seeing him, I'm sure as hell that those things he hate about me have changed. Or maybe kung wala, wala na akong pakialam sa mga bagay na ayaw niya sakin. I feel thankful for him though, dahil kung hindi dahil sa kanya, I wouldn't be the person I am today.
Maybe he still hates me, or maybe not. I really don't care. Ang dapat kong isipin ay kung paano ako aalis na harap niya na hindi niya napapansin na naiilang ako sa kanya.
He asked the usual things like "How are you?" So I answered "I'm fine. Thanks." I didn't bother to ask how's he doing kasi baka isipin niya na tulad parin ako ng dati. I should show him that I don't care about him anymore, Hey, at least I'm trying.
Yes, di ako sure kung wala na kong feelings sa kanya but that's not important for now. I'd like to show him how I've become after he left me. This is still me and the only thing that has changed is how I look at him and I guess, weird enough is. . . how he look at me.
BINABASA MO ANG
Two sides of falling (Short Story)
Short StoryDifferent sides, different degrees of pain, let’s see who’ll move on or let’s see who’s still holding on.
