Joe Goldberg is beginning to wonder if there's any more decent people in the world. With both Candace and Beck out of the picture, he's feeling lonely and starting to give up on love. That is, until Leila comes sobbing into Mooney's. Fragile and vul...
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"Joe?"
Your voice... I can't believe it. It's like I've been underwater for three days, and I'm finally coming to the surface.
I'm gasping for air.
I want to hold onto it for as long as I can.
The sound of your words the only thing keeping me afloat.
"Can we talk?"
Yes, Leila. Whatever you want. "Y-yes, what's- uh, what's going on? Are you okay?"
God, I've missed you. I miss the sound of your soft, gentle voice stumbling out my name. I've missed the sweetness in your tone. The way you gently smile and a soft burn touches your cheek, your honey-colored eyes drift away for fear of making your face even redder.
I just...miss you.
"There's, uh, there's something I have to tell you," you stall, your voice chokes up, sadness swallows you whole, "It's- it's about Sarah. Something, something's happened. I, uh, I don't know how to say this-"
Leila, are you really upset about some slut's death? Wow, that's...surprising. Especially since she's the reason you haven't spoken to me in three days.
"Joe, Sarah's dead."
What do you want me to do here, lamb? Do you want me to double over? Cry? I have no remorse, Leila. No regrets. She deserved to die for what she did. How she unapologetically broke us up. The way she laughed at me for losing you, and I was so close to-
Nevermind.
I'll play along because you're clearly upset. You didn't even know her. Not really. A few casual conversations here and there. She despised you, Leila. And you're not stupid, you knew how much she hated you.
So why, why are you mourning her?
"Because she's not like you, Joe." Beck appears at my door. Arms crossed, bangles jangling. "She's a good person."
I glare, Beck raises her brows and does a small shrug. It's hard to argue with her, Leila. Your purity is unquestionable. Three days has given me a lot of time to think about things. To think about you and exactly how I messed up.
Sex to you is...scary. It's been a form of manipulation and abuse pretty much your entire life. People have taken from you everything they can and more. And you've just...let them.
You want to believe that sex can be good, but you've never experienced it's sweet bliss. And so you keep your distance. You keep yourself as far as you possibly can from physical touch hoping against hope that you will never have to experience the hell you went through again.
