Joe Goldberg is beginning to wonder if there's any more decent people in the world. With both Candace and Beck out of the picture, he's feeling lonely and starting to give up on love. That is, until Leila comes sobbing into Mooney's. Fragile and vul...
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I have fallen down the rabbit hole.
The light blue glow of my screen acts as a beacon into your inner-most thoughts. Before me, I see your private conversations with the people you love. You text like you speak. Full of sugar, spice, and everything nice.
I can almost hear the sing-songy way you say hello in all of your greetings. "Good morning!" Your voice swells and dives in my mind, begging me to venture further and further into, well, you. And, God, I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss this.
I know, I know.
This is an invasion of your privacy and you, Leila, deserve so much better. But I...I can't let you make the mistakes of your past again.
Everyone around you is on constant high alert. The people who guide you and vow to protect you...they've all failed you.
Let's face the facts, lamb, they haven't exactly been good at keeping you safe. It's the reason you left me and went into hiding, again.
They suck at their jobs.
But that will change.
Now.
A tickle of rage and excitement dances down my spine. I can't shake the image of your tear-stained face from my mind, and that makes doing this so much harder.
You see, Leila, you coming back into my life has triggered something I didn't think I had left in me. There's this primal need building up inside of me, bubbling over. I can only describe it as a thirst. A hunger. A deep-seated desire...
I want to know everything. About you, about Tate, and this fucked up situation you landed in all those years ago.
My brain...it's pulsing. It's a high, Leila. One like you've never experienced before. And, yes. Before you ask, I have felt this before. This...rush. The adrenaline sweeping through my veins as I scour the internet and all other outlets for information. I'll be the first to admit...this hasn't ended well for me in the past. But this time, I don't know, it feels different.
I feel like this is a righteous quest. Me, your knight in worn-out denim. Avenging your honor and making sure this bastard never has the chance to hurt you- or anyone else- ever again.
Like an anti-hero, I'll swoop in and take justice in my own hands.
I've done it before.
And I'll do it again.
But, at the same time, there's a tiny- minuscule- part of me that wants to hesitate. Leila, you haven't known me for nearly long enough, but this road I'm about to embark on. It's...ugly. Am I weak for admitting I'm afraid of what I'll become if I go down this path again? I don't know if I'll be able to stop if I start. And what will this all cost me? There's always a cost.
