Letters To My Betrothed

15th of July 1549

To My Betrothed,

       I arrived yesterday in France and there was a big banquet prepared for me, it was exquisite and lavish.  Everything was fancy and beautiful.  Your mother, Queen Catherine, keep me occupied the whole time but my eyes always wander at the big door of this banquet hall.  I was hoping you'll burst in the door with a breathtaking smile of yours to welcome me.  That's all I wanted, Francis. 

       Maybe it was too much to ask?

       The Queen noticed my eyes were glued at the door and she can see the anticipation on it.  She sadly smiled at me and said "Francis won't be coming, Elizabeth.  I am deeply sorry. He is supposed to be here to welcome you but he got hold in Scotland.   He is currently doing some business and treaty there.  I hope you understand.  He is the future king of France and he has responsibilities to his country and people."  I faked a smile to coat the sadness and disappointment that slowly creeping in my heart.  No matter how much I tried to mask my emotions that night, I know your mother can still see it.   They said I am too transparent, that my eyes couldn't lie.  I wish I could mask these eyes.

         My mother readied me on this scenario, she always told me that as a King, the welfare of the country and majority is the priority.  I thought it was easy.  Nevertheless, I was deeply hurt.  But you have to be proud of me, I managed to entertain and finish the whole celebration with a brave smile.  I should thanked my mother for raising me as an independent and strong woman that I am.  She used to tell me that a strong and independent Queen will reflect to her kingdom.

      The whole time, people are looking at me with a smile, which I wonder if it's even real.  I asked myself as I looked into their eyes.  "Do they accept an English woman to be their future Queen?"   I hope that someday you'll be beside me and assure me that your people will fully accept me as their future queen.
     
      I pictured you to be waiting for me.  I waited this long for this moment, to see you after years of longing and dreaming to be with you.  Maybe I expected too much?  Maybe I painted you as my prince charming?  Maybe I was too delusional thinking this is a fairytale?

       A lot of gentlemen pay respects for me but the whole time I was wishing it was you.  My heart is faithfully and wholeheartedly your, Francis.  I may be hurt and disappointed, but I assure you, My Dear Betrothed, it was all yours forever. 

      Disappointment, acceptance, hurt and many more emotions paints love beautifully.

And today, you painted it GRAY.

   
Yours,

Elizabeth