Letters To My Betrothed

13th of December 1549

Dear Betrothed,

Two days ago, we travelled back to England to break our betrothal.  We travelled on the same carriage but no one dare to talk first.  All I can hear is a deafening silence between us. I’ve been sleeping or looking through the window the whole ride.  The scenery is beautiful but I cannot appreciate its beauty, everything is gloomy and heavy like my heart.

We arrived in England and there was a feast welcoming us.  You wanted to talk alone with my father as soon as we got here, never wasting time so you can be with her.  There’s a part of me wanting to know who she is, the reason you’re breaking my heart but a bigger part of me, don’t want to know, afraid that I will ruin her life.

Everyone is happy and my mother noticed my fakest smile.  She asked me if I am okay and I can’t help but to burst to tears.  I know my mother will see through me.  She just let me cry for hours in her arms and did not say anything. “Darling, everything will be okay.  I promise you.” My mother said as she wiped my tears. We walked back to the hall where the celebration is taking place and I notice your sight is glue onto someone.  I slowly looked at the direction and my heart is racing anxiously.  There she is, wearing a maroon dress that is hugging her curvy body beside my brother, Edward. She's beautiful with her ginger hair and porcelain skin.

Don’t let her be. I prayed to God. Don’t let Mary be the woman you love.

I can see the silent conversation you’re exchanging with her. 30 minutes later, Mary sneaked out and you followed.  I silently followed you both in the dark garden of Hampton Palace.

My hands are sweating along with the fast beating of my heart.

Every step feels like a death sentence.

I stopped walking, enough to hear the conversation.

You said to her that you are here to talk to the King to break the betrothal.  So you can bring her back to France, marry her and have children.

No one told me that there will be more pain, I thought I have experienced the most pain when you said you love another but this is the worst. I thought I was numb.
 

Mary replied to you that the King won’t allow it since wedding date has been set.  Mary loves you too but she chooses what is good for her country. Mary told you to forget about her and to teach yourself to love your future wife. And you replied that you cannot love another woman beside her.  You begged her to run away with you. Mary said her sorry and left.  I heard you cried and repeatedly begged her.  I wanted to run to you, hug you and tell you that I will be here for you forever.  It hurts me to hear you cry.  The agony you feel, I can feel it too.  I don’t know if I will thank or slap Mary for breaking your heart.

My whole body screaming to go to you, to comfort you but I left.  I know nothing I can do or say that will make it better for you.

But I left with a silent promise to stay by your side no matter how hard it is, knowing that you love another woman and that woman will be my sister-in-law.

Bleeding heart with yours,

E