Letters To My Betrothed

25th of August 1549

To My Beloved Betrothed,

             LOVE is patient. Love keep no records of wrongs. Love is believing.  Love is sacrificing.  Love is waiting.

            I kept counting the hours then it becomes days and months.

            Delay? Yes.  But love never fails.

            That was I thought so.

            45 days.

             Yes, I waited for you that long to see your face. I keep myself busy learning how to make french clothing and how to speak french language. Don't worry my dear, your mother is a great hostess, she made me feel like I'm home though you are my home.  I have learned a lot of things for 45 days while waiting for you. 

           At last, the moment I've long finally came.  There you are, walking as handsome as the first time I saw you.  I remember those green eyes, thick eyebrows and lashes, your aristocrat's face. I saw you walking through the pavement of the garden with those the same smile that reaches your eyes. Your green eyes screaming with happiness.  I am smiling from afar to see you happy, I don't how my love deep is but I always know that I wanted you to be happy.  There are butterflies in my stomach making me feel giddy as I watch you laugh with your friend, Lord Sebastian.  I am eager to know what makes you happy so one day I can be the reason for it.  I know you may think I am crept by secretly staring at you but I don't care, I have waited so long for this day to come.

        When dinner comes, I have dresses a light blue dress that makes my dark blue eyes stood out.  I dresses to impress you, my dear. My day started as good and I was excited about my first dinner with you. Then horror comes when you saw me enter the dining hall. My smile faltered as I saw your smile faded slowly and the light in your eyes died.  You warm eyes suddenly turned cold and stoic. It was like you are raised to heaven and suddenly fell on the ground.  Your mother broke the awkward and uncomfortable silence and let me sit beside you.  The whole time you didn't glance me, I wanted to talk to you but my pride won over me. Everyone in the dining hall was talking and seems unnoticed what's silently happening between us.  I can feel the walls you build and I know from then, it's too hard to break.

        The dinner was almost done when you stood up and get permission from your father to leave then you look back at me and bowed.

         "I'll leave first, My Lady."

          That was the first sentence you spoke to me.  It was screaming platonic, respectful and friendly, nothing like I imagine you to be but it didn't stop my heart to race. That very moment, I also know from the bottom of my heart, winning your heart will be a hard battle.  I don't who's my enemy but you made me feel like I already lost without even starting the fight.

         I am happy to see you my love, but today I realized that I was alone on the journey I planned.  The journey of US. Even when I'm beside you, it's like you're mountains' far away from me.  After all years of dreaming US, I was slapped hard by reality, I was like stranded in the middle of the ocean, no anchor and lost. Suddenly, my dreams were crashed.  I realized we are two different people with different goals and paths.

          I always tell you, love is colorful.   You know what makes love BLACK? Knowing you're stuck and squared in unrequited love.

Yours,
E