Trollpasta

Kirby Mass Attack: 666 Edition

KirbyMassAttack1
Hyper realistic bloody kirby
I'm a huge Kirby fan, I've played all the games, and I own every piece of Kirby themed merchandise ever. All of the plushies, every episode of Kirby: Right Back At Ya on DVD in both english and japanese, and I own the entire Kirby Porn set on DVD, Blu-Ray, and VHS.

But, I don't know if I even want to THINK about Kirby after the experience I had...

It all started on a cold summer afternoon. I was walking down the street when I came across a dodgy looking yard sale. I love to go to shady yard sales, they are my favorite places to buy rare, insane types of porn that are probably illegal in several states. Unfortunately, this yard sale had no porn. Bummer. But it did have a copy of Kirby Mass Attack! The one Kirby game I had still not played! Natually, I bought it. Then I killed the man at the yard sale in an extremely gruesome and shm3xy way.

I got home and immediately wanted to play the game. Unfortunately, I had no Nintendo DS or 3DS to play the game on... So I just took off my pants and fiddled with my genitals for the rest of the day.

A few days later, I bought a Nintendo DS off of ebay that looked like it had been shat on by wild animals. I didn't care though. I just wanted to play the game. When I got my DS the first thing I did was download gratuitous amounts of animal porn. The very next thing I did was put in the game cartridge for Kirby Mass Attack and began playing. The title screen came up as normal, except that it had hyper-unrealistic blood splattered everywhere on it and the title said "Kirby Mass Attack: 666 edition". I figured it was just a glitch and kept jerking off.

When I got into the game, EVIL PATRIXXX flashed on the screen for a split second and then I compulsively shit my pants. Spooky. When the level began, I noticed that instead of blue, the sky was blood red, and there was blood on the ground, and blood on the walls, and it was raining blood while hyper-realistic spooky scary skeletons danced around on the screen. Also, Kirby had holes in his skin and was bleeding hyper realistic blood. I made Kirby walk forward, now seriously spooked, and before I could do anything a giant bloody penis appeared right there and instantly killed Kirby. Terrified, I closed my DS and randomly fell asleep, because you know, this wouldn't be a creepy story if there wasn't some kind of nightmare involved.

In my dream, there was a demonic Kirby flipping me off in a land that was covered in blood and there were skeletons floating in the sky. Then I looked behind me and saw a satanic waddle dee watching porn on what looked like an old TV from the 1940s. And it was covered in blood.

Then, King Dedede flew overhead slowly in a helicopter. He slowed down even more, and carefully slid his ass out the door to take a shit. He shat directly on top of me and I died.

I woke up from the nightmare and I felt compelled to continue playing the game. I opened up the DS and I didn't even have to do anything. The game just started automatically. I was then dropped into a level that was made up entirely of spaghetti. Kirby had the cook abilty and started cooking spaghetti. The weird thing was that the spaghetti sauce was actually blood.

I made Kirby start walking, and then suddenly, spooky music played as that same giant bloody penis appeared behind Kirby. Kirby ran away from it as fast as he could but it was just too fast. When the massive cock caught up to him, the screen went black and text appeared, forming a message (as text often does) it said "H3 GoT rAp3D"

I pressed A and then the screen said "GAEM OVEHR".

I was horrified. What had I just played? Was Kirby ... DEAD???? I thought to myself "if kurhbz iz ded, thn my lief iz meeninglezz. I shuud jost cumet zooizide" And I felt an irresistable urge to kill myself. But I couldn't figure out how to. Then my house started getting all hyper-realistic and bloody.

So, I just sat down and planned on watching some shm3xy pr0nz, when suddenly, a pair of testicles grew on my forehead! OMG 2 SPOOKY! Then my phone rang. Who was phone?! I was too much of a wimp to answer, so I just let it keep ringing for all eternity. I hid in my basement and began to watch porn. I continue to sit in this basement and watch porn to this day, all because of that game.

You're Next.