First Female Alpha (GirlxGirl) (REWRITTEN)

Chapter 12

It had only been a few days since Chloe died. To me, it felt like a lifetime. She had been my childhood best friend. She was my right-hand beta.

When a wolf in our pack dies, we hold a funeral pyre to burn their bodies.

I wasn't ready. I would never be ready to do something like this. How could I possibly be ready to burn my best friend's lifeless body? As the alpha, it would be my responsibility to light the pyre and say some words about Chloe's life.

I couldn't come up with the words to use. What words do I use to talk about Chloe? She was my best friend. She was one of the very loves of my life besides Sam, Cam, and my father. How do I talk about a life that was taken far too soon? She was as old as I was, not yet nineteen. Too young to die.

Every time I began writing the words I thought I might be able to say, I stopped, threw away the paper, and started again. Nothing I could say or do would be enough to honor the incredible life that Chloe lived.

She died protecting me and my mate. I will never be able to live that down. Chloe was dead because of me.

I was the alpha of the pack, so it was my responsibility to be strong for the pack, her mate, and her family. Except, how can I possibly be strong when my best friend is dead?

All these questions ran through my brain and none of them made sense. I have no answers when I'm supposed to have all the answers.

I should have been taking care of Sam after everything she had been through, but I could barely take care of myself.

I knew that my behavior was letting everyone in the pack down.

I had to be the strong alpha I was expected to be, so I finally sat down long enough to make sense of everything. I captured Chloe's life as best as I could. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it together and that's okay. I'm human. I have emotions. My best friend died three days ago. My best friend was dead. My child, who had not yet formed, was dead. My mate was traumatized. What is all of this for? What could I have possibly done to deserve this nightmare?

That was the moment I finally broke down after this series of events. I ran out of the house in my human form and deep into the woods, remaining human. I found a stopping point away from the village. It was then that I let out the loudest scream that I had been holding in for days. I screamed until my throat burned and my lungs were tired. I cried and cried until I seemed to run out of tears. By all definitions of the word, I was not okay.

I walked back to the house tired and empty. I think I was finally in a state where I could do the funeral pyre.

Once back inside the house, I changed into all black and prepared for the pyre.

I tried to get Sam out of bed, but she wouldn't budge. I decided to leave her. I couldn't quite bring myself to push her passed her limits yet.

When I came back outside, members of the pack were beginning to put the pyre together. They were stacking logs and making a final resting place for Chloe.

My father and Cam walked up carrying her body. She was wrapped in a white sheet. Except, she wasn't there anymore... Her body was wrapped in a white sheet.

I took several deep breaths and approached the crowd. "Good evening. Although is it really a good evening when we're here gathered because one of our own died?" The crowd stared at me blankly. "I've spent the last three days thinking about what I would say tonight, but I simply don't have the words to speak that would celebrate Chloe's life the way she deserves to be celebrated.

"Chloe was a light in all of the lives she touched. We met when we were three years old. We had been best friends for nearly sixteen years. Along with Cam, we were unstoppable. We were some feisty five-year-olds." That got a chuckle from the crowd.

"Her death was tragic. Her life was short-lived, but we can't dwell on the sad things. Chloe was such a beautiful and incredible spirit, and I feel so blessed to be touched by her light.

"As my betas, she was tough and ready to take on a challenge. I'm sure her parents and her mate would agree with me when I say Chloe was one of a kind. I can't imagine my life without her. I can't imagine my future without her." I began tearing up.

"Chloe deserved better, but she died fighting for people that she loved. There is no better death for her because she died by my side doing what she loves, and that's taking care of her pack. Of course, we all want her to be here still, but she died a hero. Chloe's death was not in vain. My mare is still here today, and I'm still here today because of Chloe's bravery." My father passed me a lit torch.

"I am sad but also proud that I get to be the one to light her funeral pyre because Chloe died so that I could live." I tossed the torch onto the pile of wood and watched it slowly catch fire. Soon, the flames engulfed Chloe's entire body.

I whispered a quick 'thank you' to Chloe. Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for being a constant light in my life. Thank you for existing. Thank you for sacrificing yourself so that Sam and I could live. I didn't know if she could hear me or not, but I'd rather talk and hope that she can.

The crowd slowly dispersed around me as the fire continued to burn. Eventually, I was the only one left standing by her side just as it had always been.

A figure walked up next to me. "Thank you for what you said about Chloe. I know that you were worried you wouldn't be able to capture her well enough, but you did a phenomenal job." I looked over and Michael, Chloe's mate, was standing there. His eyes were red and puffy.

"Thank you. I wanted to make sure I did her life justice."

"You did. She was an amazing woman, and you put it out there exactly how she would have wanted you too." He gave me a quick hug and left me in silence.

After what seemed like hours, I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Aubrey, it's time to go inside. The fire will go out on its own. You don't have to watch it."

"I'm not watching the fire for safety dad. I just don't feel right leaving her."

"Aubrey, she's not there anymore. It's okay to leave. She's not in her body anymore."

I felt numb. "I know."

"Come on, pup."

I hesitated to turn around, but I finally did. It felt like I was giving up on that chapter of my life by leaving her body there, but I knew that it was time to start healing. I had a mate who needed me more than Chloe's lifeless body did.