Mental Health

My Story

                                  *Mention of triggering subjects like suicide*                                            

My name is Leo Beam and I go to a school in Manitoba. I’m 16 years old and have gained insomnia and depression. 

I never had too much trouble sleeping until I entered high school (grade 7), I started to get more homework and more responsibilities. I had expected to get more responsibilities but not to gain stress. Obviously because I was only stressed I wasn’t allowed to have a day off school to relax because that's what the weekend was for but I had homework everyday. In grade 8 I started going through puberty and I started judging and comparing myself to others because everyone looked better then me so I started to cover myself up and stay out of the spotlight. I quite choir, band, drama, writing, art, and more. So many things I loved I started to hate because it meant people would be looking at me, I started to eat junk food in an attempt to feel a little joy and cried after because I’d gain more weight. I started to cut and hate myself even more. 

In grade 9 I wrote a suicide note because I didn’t think I was needed in this world. I was caught before I could do anything and had to admit to my grandmother that I needed help. I wrote what I wanted to say to my grandma about how I didn’t want to be alive because too much was expected of me and how much stress I had with school and society.  The very next day was like nothing had happened and I went back to school and started to act like I was happy.

Grade 10. I’m finally 15 start thinking about my friends and how much it would affect them if I die now. I also got into a relationship with someone who started to show me that I can love myself for who I am but I still struggled a lot I ended up failing math and just passing the rest of my classes. I continued on but decided to hide how I truly felt and ended up having a severe anxiety attack. I stopped being able to talk in front of a whole class completely and struggled to even say a word to teachers, I also started to not say anything to my friends. I ended up trying to drown myself but last second chickened out because I thought about the people in my life, I didn’t tell anybody because I didn’t want people to treat me like I did something bad. 

In grade 11 (2019) I finally went to the doctor and spoke about how I had started to sleep every other week because my mind kept racing with thoughts that made me feel anxious. I started to take medication I tried to get into a program to become a teacher but it didn’t turn out well. I decided to try art again and am now enjoying it but I can’t bring myself to join choir or band because I feel like I’ll be letting them down instead I play music when I can and try to help others. I am now trying to get my drivers licence and to get back into writing and eventually get the courage to talk to my doctor about my depression. All I know is that I started off stressed then became anxious then didn’t want to live anymore. 

Now I want to try and spread awareness of mental health and the risks of ignoring the signs and why we should not judge people just because of this or that. I will also reveal stereotypes of many mental illnesses and do my best to explain why that stereotype is true or false along with things you shouldn’t say and why.
                                                                                                                        If you know animerules9000 me and my mind then you know more about me, if not and you want to know more about me go read the book.    If you have any mental illnesses you'd like me to cover you can comment or message me.                                                                                                                     (666 words)