Loserless love ||Reddie

^-K-I-D-^

A/N 

I'm making everything move to fast.. So here's a excruciating painful chapter. 

Warning-
Drug usage
Depressive state of mind (I find that really triggering so there's a warning :,))


Enjoy 
>;)

"Your a fucking bitch."

Richie said looking at Beverly which was sitting by Bill at lunch. Beverly glared at Richie. "At least I don't rape people." Richie choked on his grape before spitting it out. He pushed his glasses up his nose before speaking. "What the hell does that mean?"
"Ask Eddie." Beverly shrugged as she turned back to Bill total heart eyes for the guy as Ben watched helplessly.

Richie turned to see Eddie at a lunch table alone. He furrowed his eyebrows and got up. Leaving Stan, Bill, Ben, and Mike with Bev before approaching Eddie. "Hey Eds." Eddie didn't even look up at Richie. Just stood and walked away, he walked over to the trash can throwing away his non eaten food and walked out of the cafeteria.

Richie watched the boy with a confused expression as he looked back at his table. Everyone was talking not even noticing Richie except Beverly. 

She blankly looked at the boy giving him a 'told you so' look. Richie flipped her off before walking out of the cafeteria to see Eddie slipping into a bathroom. Richie quickly followed stumbling over his shoe laces cursing under his breath for not tying them.

Richie bursts into the bathroom to see Eddie sitting on the counter. He back leaned against a mirror his left leg bent to where he had one leg up the other hanging off the counter.

"Eds! Hey!" Richie smiled looking at the boy. Eddie only looked back at him with a blank face his eyebrows in they're normal arch. Richie slowly stepped forward the sound of his shoes hitting the tile floor sounded like a bomb with each step.

Eddie let out a sharp breath sounding like a whistle of breath. "Richie, it has come to my understandings that your a dumb ass." Eddie said blankly looking at Richie's (Sarcastic) shocked face. "Nah, shit?"

Eddie raised an eyebrow. "Fuck you, Tozier." He crossed his arms a glare shooting in Richie's direction. Richie felt his stomach drop and his fingers go numb as Eddie looked up at him through his eyelids. He finally understood he had done something wrong. Really wrong.

"Eds? What.... What did I do?" Eddie scoffed and looked at Richie the hem of his black sweatshirt scratching his neck. Eddie ignored the sensation and put his hands on his hips. He felt a rush of courage fill him. Starting at his feet them arousing to his ears.

"You tried taking my virginity. You pushed me against a wall and kissed me. Richie, I know you were drunk but fuck! You said you wanted me... I- I was dumb enough to believe you. Until I fucking realized you were just a drunk horny bastard. You were going to rape me. I swear to god you were. I most likely would have said 'why the fuck not?' But I left. So, I suggest we stay away just as we did when we were 13 after that shit. But this time...." Eddie's voice cracked then he stepped toward Richie looking up at him through thick eyelashes.

"We don't reconnect."

And with that, Eddie left. Left the bathroom going to his next class as the bell rung. Richie didn't move, didn't breathe he felt as though his life had been taken away from him. Like his jokes couldn't save him this time. Like he couldn't move on, his eyes stung his heart stung his whole body stung with hurt.

The dread filling him. The hurt filling him. The regret filling him. The pity, filling him....

Until all he was was a small idiotic screw up. A good for nothing Trashmouth. A stupid disgrace. A fucking smoker. A kid, a child, like he was... 13 all over again. That same kid, with quivering lips and wide eyes. The kid that had big glasses and everyone hated him. The kid that made 'you're mom jokes' 24/7. The kid that everyone got bored of after a while.

The abused,
The bullied,
The neglected,
The stupid,
The annoying,
The joking,
The loud ass,
Kid.....




-

Eddie stood in front of his bathroom mirror. Scissors in hand. He gripped one of his curls that reached down to the nape of his neck. 

Snip

He let the curl fall into the sink a look of satisfaction on his face as it fell into the drain. He continued this until his hair was the length is had been when he was 12-13. He combed it to the side and smiled as it looked nice on his figure still.

He then looked at the drain as tears filled his eyes. He had been growing out his hair from years. Loving how it was naturally curly, but he had just cut it. 

Cut away all his work. The hair he loved. But he had just decided to cut it. Even though he looked good he cried. Tears fell down his tan, freckled cheeks.

He let out a shaky breath his voice cracking with hurt.

"You did this to me.."

He wasn't talking about Richie, no no... He was talking about his mother..

**

"You can NOT speak to me that way Edward!" Mrs.Kaspbrak yelled as Eddie had just told her to shut up.

She had just forced Eddie to swallow pills after he explained they were fake and he knew. But she didn't care she shoved them into her sons mouth he choked on the pills. They went down his dry throat as he coughed. "ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?" He screamed. His scream was loud and shaky. "YOUR A BITCH! YOU FORCE YOUR OWN SON TO TAKE GAZEBOS! GAZEBOS MOM! I'M NOT SICK! I KNOW I'M NOT! AND I KNOW I DON'T HAVE ASTHMA. SO CAN YOU TREAT ME NORMAL? ALL I ASK IS-"

WHACK

Mrs.Kaspbraks hand struck Eddie's cheek. Eddie stumbled back before his mother grabbed his arm causing a bruise to appear which would soon turn yellow. 

His cheek stung as he held it. Mrs.kaspbrak dragged him upstairs throwing him into his room. "YOUR STAYING IN HERE UNTIL YOU LEARN YOUR LESSON!" She screamed her voice booming as she slammed the door.

Eddie began crying. Tears staining his pillow which he had now buried his face into. He hated his mother. He now knew he felt no love for the dreadful woman. The woman that now had hit her son. The woman that was now a abuser. Rather done again or not Eddie hated her. Wanted to get out...

Wanted to escape.



**


Eddie stared at himself in the mirror for an hour. Reliving his traumatic experience which had happened approximately 6 hours ago. It was now 12:00AM.

Eddie sighed wiping his eyes and walking into his room. He laid down on his bed his head aching with a headache. Not powerful enough to be a migraine but sure damn hurt.

He hated his life right now. Hated it with a passion if only he knew what Richie had done to fizz out his feelings..




-




Richie now sat on his bed staring at his lamp the light burning into his eyes by now. He had messy unruly hair that was a mess of curls. It stuck out in random places and was dirty. His eyes were wide and his hands were shaking.

He had no shirt on and only had on some black jeans and his coke-bottle glasses. His leg bounced quickly as he stared at the lamp seeing shapes seemingly floating towards him. Like he could touch it. 

But he couldn't move his arms. Or his whole body for that matter. He could only move his head as his body shaked. His eyes then slowly moved to his desk his eyes playing tricks on him as he saw 3 desks. The same thing on every. Single. One...


The white powder and credit card.


They laid there basically taunting Richie. Proving that he was a fuck up. A delinquent, a fucking druggie. That's a new one to add to the list.

He felt like the room was spinning until he felt his body go numb and collapse onto the bed he was sitting on. Everything went dark as sleep over come his fucked up body. The light of his lamp causing a glare to form on his glasses. Lighting up his dark mess of 'hair'. The line of white cocaine on his nose and upper lip shining in the light.

This proved that Richie (Trashmouth) Tozier, was a fuck up.

A/N


I'm not crying over my own chapter... You are!


So.. 
This is really triggering to write for me. Yes, I chose to go this way. Yes, I am triggering myself. But this chapter means a lot to me. Because my mind was at this type of state last year. It was horrible and I cried over it. I thought horribly of myself and always thought I was hated or being judged. I felt as though I could have died. I came close to doing it.. Ending it.. Until someone snapped me out of the hell hole. I'm entirely grateful and love this person so much. My mind was jot fully healed though.. I became anorexic but they soon found out after I was losing weight a bit too fast. I am no longer depressed or anorexic I'm now happy. Besides the bad stuff I'm happy and doing better! 

Soo, thank you Kennedi. I love you so much.
<3

(You know who you are)